Every night that we eat dinner together, my husband asks a blessing on the meal, prays before we eat.
He sounds so pious, so righteous. I feel like such a hypocrite. How dare we come together before God like this when our marriage is such a wretched mess. I don’t even think God will hear these prayers ~ they seem so wrong to me. While my husband is praying out loud, I am praying, crying inside that God will forgive me and will deliver me.
Tonight while my husband was praying before dinner, his cell phone rang. It was the ringtone he has set for his dad. My husband just kept praying.
I kept thinking, answer the phone! answer the phone! something could be wrong!!!
In case you don’t know, his mom has had bone cancer and is very frail. His dad has had a stroke and can’t fully use his left side.
So, I keep thinking, there could be an emergency. Surely God would understand if you need to interrupt a prayer to be sure your parents aren’t needing help in an emergency!
My husband kept praying. By the time he finished, the phone stopped ringing. I don’t know if he intended to call his dad back or not, but I said, wasn’t that your dad? So then he called his dad back.
His dad wanted him to take his mom to the emergency room!!! My husband told him that he would, that he would be over to get her in a little bit.
In a little bit? I was fuming! My husband finished the phone call and started to eat his soup. I asked him if he didn’t need to take his mom. He said, it will take her a little while to get ready. I’m thinking, well, go over there and see if she needs help! Seriously!!!
Anyhow he finally went over to his parents’ house after he finished eating his dinner.
And then he came back about twenty minutes later. She had decided that she didn’t want to spend the night in the emergency room and that she would go see her doctor the first thing in the morning. Which I completely understand. That’s fine.
But what gets me is my husband’s response. I would say that he is kindest to his mom of everyone he knows, but he still seemed like he was distancing himself from his parents’ needs.
I don’t know. Maybe I misread the whole thing.
But still…. I hope I never have to rely on him to get me to the emergency room!
I didn’t feel that great today. I felt kind of depressed. I felt kind of lonely. I fought it all day long. I tried to encourage myself that my life wouldn’t always be like this.
About twenty minutes before five, the sales rep stepped off the elevator. A lady in my office was working with me, training me in something, so I wasn’t the only one at the front desk. I think that if I had been alone up there that he probably would have stayed longer. As it was, he still managed to be fun and flirty and made me smile. I had felt so “hungry” all day long and, while seeing him for a couple of minutes was fun, it also made me feel even more hungry. It was so frustrating. Thankfully, when I got off work, I went to the gym and seriously pushed myself on the elliptical trainer. That helped a little.
But I hate being so hungry all the time.