What is Passive Aggressive Behavior?For a thorough explanation of Passive Aggressive Behavior, click on "Passive Aggressive Behavior" in the black bar above.
"While it might be a mistake to give up on a relationship with a passive-aggressive man until all avenues for change have been explored, at some point, you must cut your losses. ..... To stay in a relationship that is harmful to you is not only pointless but self-destructive. This is one of the unfortunate costs of passive aggression: conflicts all too quickly escalate to the point where getting out is your only choice."
from "Living With the Passive Aggressive Man"
- abuse? adrenal fatigue anger awards bizarre blaming books boundaries chaos codependency communication confusion conversation conversation-not counseling crumbs depression distancing domestic violence dysfunction emptiness fear forgiveness frustration God guilt health His Needs Her Needs his parents hopeless immaturity insanity Julie the therapist lack of empathy leaving live intentionally lonely love love languages me money my job my recovery narcissistic not a daddy obstructionism passive aggressive behavior passivity peace procrastination quotes recovery relationship sadness self esteem selfish sex sexual assault silent treatment stress sulking the house therapist therapy tired Toastmasters toxic trust undermining unloved victimization worthless
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- what forgiveness isn’t…
- what’s your hell?
- I hate my life right now
- The Reasons You Can’t Lose Weight
- really bizarre idea
- why I’m stuck
- random thoughts
- crazy, stupid fantasies
- Helpful Words for the Severe Narcissist
- silence encourages the tormentor
- letter to the Stanford rapist’s father
- You took away my worth…
- looking out for myself
- forgive yourself…
- quote for the day … or the year
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- Functional Vs. Dysfunctional Relationships: The 10 BIG Differences
- 6 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Becoming Abusive
- can’t even imagine…
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- losing my job and another therapist
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- How to Deal with a Narcissist
- here’s a thought…
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- you don’t have to stay…
- “When My Rapist Showed Up In ‘People You May Know'”
- Lack of Empathy
- praying for deliverance…
- maybe you stay…
- Why Selfish People Are Incapable Of Loving You
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- email from him
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- What I want…
- yeah whatever
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- this week
- conversation this morning…
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- Someone will always have a higher jump or a more beautiful line.
- passive aggressive Mother’s Day gift
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- If you’re standing in crap…
- what if….
- thought for the day…
- internal conflict
- things I’ve learned
- my supervisor
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- comforting him…
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- he apologized
- slept in the living room
- last night / this morning
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- I don’t know about this…
- cold plants
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- gets me every time
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- his mom = the country
- a bizarre comment
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- this is beautiful…
- well that was just generous
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- last night / tonight
- another therapist
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- thought for the day…
- nice and normal and sane
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- Do you feel loved?
- A pleasant day…
- the past three nights
- “Are You Too Passive Aggressive?”
- here’s one…
- I slept in the living room last night
- It’s me.
- “prison dinner”
- first date…
- later that evening…
- another “discussion”
- a lesson for me to learn
- “A Cry for Justice”
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- oh, so good
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- clutter, anyone???
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- two outta three…
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- sex tonight – the rest of the story
- sex tonight…
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“‘…It ain’t pretending nothing happened to you when it did. It ain’t saying that what happened wasn’t no big deal and didn’t matter. It ain’t saying the person didn’t know what they were up to, if they did. And it ain’t deciding that the rattlesnake that bit you is now gonna be your best friend forever. That’s just foolishness that’ll get you bit again.'”
~from “Buried in Buttercream” by G.A. McKevett
“She started to cry, holding the washcloth tightly over her face to muffle the sound. Then her sobs grew and grew, until they wracked her body. She could feel the wounds deep inside that hadn’t healed yet, aching with each breath.
“Would she ever truly heal, or would she be in pain for the rest of her life because of what he had done to her?”
~from “Buried in Buttercream” by G.A. McKevett
I’ve been wanting to ask that question for a long time now.
Here’s my hell:
Putting time and energy into people and things that don’t love me back.
Holding on to people and things that don’t love me back.
Loving people and things that don’t love me back.
I guess you could also call that codependency.
That’s my hell.
I hate my life right now.
I can’t even tell you how much I hate my life right now.
Yes, I am well aware of the fact that my life is pretty good compared to many, many lives.
But my life is pretty hard for me right now.
There are so many difficult things for me going on right now.
I tell myself that it will get better at some point.
But what if it doesn’t?
What if this is it? What if it is never any better?
Do I have to just live the rest of my life stuck in this pain?
My therapist seems to think that things can get better.
But it seems like I have been struggling for so long and it just gets worse and worse.
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
Maybe my work with the therapist will help me heal so I can feel better. Or at least deal better.
(I did not write this.)
Here is a list of the most common reasons why people can’t lose weight.
1. You may be taking in more calories than you’re aware of. Even if you’re eating healthy, those healthy foods can add up. Those extra servings of nuts, nut butters, avocados, salad dressing, bread, or even an extra glass or two of wine at night can keep you from losing weight.
2. Your diet is high in white sugar, refined white flour, and high in fat. You eat mostly processed foods that have little nutritional value. You eat very few fruits and vegetables, whole grains, whole foods, and healthy fats.
3. You eat way too much over the week-end. I have many clients who do well during the week but then eat out all week-end and overdo it with drinks, appetizers, bread and butter, main courses, and large desserts all in one sitting. Do that a couple times over the week-end and any weight you lost during the week is gone. You may even gain weight.
4. You have hormonal issues working against you: thyroid, estrogen imbalance, or insulin resistance.
5. Lack of sleep or too much stress can make you hang on to weight and even make you gain weight. Stress and lack of sleep makes your body release cortisol which raises insulin levels causing you to crave sweet and fatty foods. It also increases your appetite.
6. Your body may be hanging onto the weight because you are ambivalent about being at your desired weight. You may be afraid of intimacy or attention, and don’t want to lose your protective layer of fat.
7. You use your food and weight struggle as a scapegoat so that you don’t have to face your fears and the real issues in your life. As long as you’re overweight, you can blame your weight as the reason you don’t have what you really want in life.
8. Your body may like being a certain weight and won’t go down any further. Not everyone, especially if they’ve been overweight a long time, can be a normal weight. The body has a certain set point that it likes to be at and sometimes won’t budge below this unless you eat very little and/or exercise all the time.
9. You feel unworthy of being a normal weight. You may overeat and stay overweight as a way of punishing yourself. You may have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child.
10. You may stay overweight as a way of rebelling against a parent who tried to control your eating and weight in childhood.
11. If you’ve been overweight a long time, being overweight may have become your identity and you wouldn’t know who you are without it.
12. You’re on medication. Certain medications can cause weight gain and can make it very hard to lose weight. Check with your doctor to see if the medication you’re on might be causing your weight gain or keeping you from losing weight.
13. You don’t eat breakfast or eat much during the day, and then overeat from dinnertime until you go to bed. Your body needs to get most of its food and calories earlier in the day so that it has a chance to efficiently burn off and metabolize your calorie intake.
14. You lead a very sedentary lifestyle and spend week-ends, evenings, and most of your free time watching TV, being on the computer, and/or eating.
15. Food is your main form of pleasure, companionship, reward, stress reliever, entertainment, and comfort.
16. You suffer from anxiety and/or depression. You use food to regulate your mood and to calm, soothe, and numb yourself.
17. Your metabolism has slowed due to age or excessive dieting.
So, here’s my really bizarre idea.
If you see something in the refrigerator
you did not request that the item be purchased
you did not prepare the item yourself
you did not ask to see if maybe someone else was saving the item for a later meal…
do NOT eat it!!!!
What a bizarre concept, huh?
I think maybe I figured out why I’m stuck.
I think it is because I believe I don’t deserve any better.
I’m not worthy to be loved and cared for.
Sometimes – too often – I feel like my life is some agonizing, never-ending endurance course, with each minute a struggle just to make it through every second.
And I wonder when the struggle ends. Will I always be like this? Will I always struggle so much? Will there ever be a wide, smooth place?
I know everyone has stuff. Many, many, many have it a whole lot worse than I do. But sometimes I see people who look like basically their life is pretty good with occasional dips. I know others who have gone through really rough stuff, but now things are nice for them. It makes me wonder about my life.
I have a tendency to think that just because something is this way now that it will always be this way. So I am stuck here in my life with a number of different things that are not what I want them to be. And I think it will always be this way.
I saw a saying one time that said, nothing lasts forever, not even your troubles. I used to repeat that to myself to encourage myself that something had to change sometime.
Something did change.
I lost my job.
After three months, I got another job and I’ve been on that job for a couple of weeks now.
I’d like to tell you about it, but I am also all too painfully aware that my blog is no longer a private sanctuary.
That’s another thing I struggle with. It really helped to be able to pour out my thoughts and feelings on this blog and feel safe here. Yes, sometimes there was some random critic, but on the whole, it felt good to be able to write what I needed to write, to release what I needed to release.
But I’m not really safe here anymore.
Tonight I needed to write, though.
Something else I struggle with is wanting to be loved.
For so, so, so long I denied that I needed to be loved, that my wants and needs were valid.
I think I’m starting to see that I really do need to be loved, that I do have valid wants and needs. (I have a really, really good therapist.)
And I struggle with believing that I am lovable, that someone could, would actually love me.
It’s really hard. It makes me crazy.
Sometimes I can see the good in me, the kindness, the caring, the humor, the empathy, the “cuteness.” But mostly I just see a blob. Yep. Just a blob that no one would care about or be interested in.
I try to tell myself that maybe there is hope, but mostly I really don’t feel hopeful at all. Ever.
I think that is the hardest thing. Living without hope.
I don’t think living without hope is really living.
I feel like a zombie. Still walking around, but pretty much dead.
I used to have hope. I used to hope that I would figure out what was wrong with me so I could make it better so the marriage would be better.
Yes, that is very much codependent thinking.
But I did have hope.
Now I don’t.
Well, my daughters love me and my sisters and brother and sister-in-law and brothers-in-law love me. That’s true.
But there is not someone to sleep with at night who actually, truly wants to share life. And wants to care for me. And will let me love him.
I guess that’s enough of my random, hopeless thoughts for tonight.
I have these crazy, stupid fantasies.
Like, one day, I will be free from this … this whatever it is.
Like, one day, someone will actually love me.
I feel so crazy.
But I really don’t want to be crazy.
I want to be loved.
Please don’t tell me that I have to love myself first.
My therapist is helping me with that.
Please don’t tell me that God and Jesus love me. I know They do. Christ died for me.
I want someone, a real, live, warm, human man, to sleep with at the end of the day and to actually share the ups and downs of life.
Is that too much to ask?
A few days ago, my brother-in-law (my sister’s husband) was being really encouraging. He told me that I was a wonderful, wonderful woman. He told me that I was worth loving.