How to Deal with a Narcissist

Please read the full article here.  Note:  I did not write this!

A very quick summary on how to deal with a narcissist:

• Don’t.  – Think haunted house. Get out of there the first chance you can.

• Kiss Up Or Shut Up.  – If they’re your boss or they have power over you, fighting makes it worse.

• Know What You Want And Get Payment Up Front. – Don’t assume they’ll play fair.

• Ask, “What would people think?” –  They want to look good. If they think they’ll look bad, they’ll behave.

• Be Dexter. – If the dark side of The Force has you, channel your need to look awesome into helping others.

Please read the whole article here:  http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2016/01/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist-2/

 

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here’s a thought…

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adrenal fatigue

This video is about thirty minutes long, but within the first five minutes, he discusses passive aggressive people.

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a quote

I saw this quote today:

“It’s worth the trouble to become the person you were meant to be.”

~Dave Ramsey

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hi

I miss blogging.

I’m still here.

I cleaned out and cleaned up my older daughter’s bedroom, carefully packed away her things into the closet and a bought a new mattress for her bed.  (She lives in another state now.)

I’ve slept in “her” room for two nights now.  It sure beats the living room floor!!!

I wrote myself some encouragement today and maybe someone else needs it, too:

You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to be loved.

It’s going to be okay.

It will work out somehow.

Day follows night.

Spring follows winter.

The sun will shine again.

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“When My Rapist Showed Up In ‘People You May Know'”

WARNING:  this may be a trigger!!!  Be careful!!!

 

 

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Lack of Empathy

{Please note:  I did not write this.  The trait of “Lack of Empathy” has been on my mind recently and I felt compelled to post something about it.}

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It’s a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder.

“Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others’ perceptions,” says Dr. Les Carter. “They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own.” Do not expect them to listen, validate, understand, or support you.”

Here are examples from partners of narcissists:

  • He would actually get mad at me if I was sick. I said, “I sat here with you for days when you were depressed and couldn’t get out of bed. And now you can’t even be a little nice to me when I am sick?”
  • My partner would hurt my feelings just when things were going well. When I would question him about it, he would make up excuses and tell me I’m wrong for feeling the way I did, and if I didn’t like it there was something wrong with me.
  • I could spend an hour detailing how I felt hurt and she would sit there, cold as ice. When it was her turn to speak, she tore down every word that came out of my mouth until I had to apologize for expressing how I felt. I ignored this red flag and made excuses to myself and others.

Note that narcissists can pick up on social cues and can “fake it” when necessary.  Aside from looking “normal,” the hope is that they will get something back. {my emphasis}

This lack of empathy is so foreign to us–even some animals show evidence of empathy–that shocking instances can break through the denial and the hoping that one day we will get our turn. While it may leave us outraged, hurt, and feeling betrayed, it can be an eye-opening incident that we really need to acknowledge the limitations of individuals with NPD. As painful as it can be, though, we no longer feel as confused by the push-pull (or in some cases, just the push).

Article source:  https://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/

Other links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

http://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/

 

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boundaries…

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maybe you stay…

Maybe you stay.

Maybe you be thankful you have a roof over your head and food to eat.  And a van to drive.  And a good job with good people.

Maybe you just go to work and go the gym and go to Toastmasters.  And you get what you can get and you give what you can give.

Maybe you you keep on loving those who love you.

And for those who don’t, well, maybe you turn the other the other cheek and keep on walking.

Maybe you take the crumbs that fall and enjoy them for what they are.

Maybe you be thankful for your flowers and your garden and you sit in the sun on the week-ends and watch the birds and the butterflies.  And enjoy the beauty that you have.

Maybe you just suck it up because everybody has something, a cross to bear, and this is your something, your cross to bear.

Maybe you accept that Cinderella is just a fairy tale and that there is no handsome prince and no happily ever after.

Maybe the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep and maybe you chalk each day up to a good day fighting.

Maybe you let your dreams turn to dust.

And maybe you stay.

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Why Selfish People Are Incapable Of Loving You

I did not write this.  It was written by James Michael Sama.  Please read the original article here.

There are many perceptions of what “true love” looks like in today’s society. People attempt to quantify it or put characteristics or actions or labels on it – but it is a difficult thing to define since every situation is unique.

Though, once we filter through all of the pop culture interpretations and checklists of what someone who really loves you does or doesn’t do, there is one thing that remains true in all types of “real” love.

Sometimes – it means putting someone else’s happiness ahead of your own.

Love is about compromising with someone, or even sacrificing for them. This is why people can think that love hurts, because if it is one-sided, it will hurt. But the only thing that’s telling you is that you’ve given your heart to the wrong person, because in a situation where it is reciprocated, both people will be willing to give to the other.

For this reason, selfish people can never truly love another, because they will be less willing to compromise. This will inevitably lead to one partner giving more of themselves than the other, which can cause resentment or confusion about feelings that are, or aren’t expressed.

This easily illustrates the importance of communication in all relationships. If a couple isn’t meshing well or is facing an obstacle in their relationship, it first has to be determined that there isn’t simply an easy fixed addressed by opening up to each other and expressing the frustration or challenge. It is not the job of either partner in the relationship to keep track of the good and the bad – it is a mutual, team effort.

It is often forgotten that compromise needs to go both ways in order to actually be effective. the gap left by the distance you’ve budged from what you want is filled by the happiness of your partner. This is why great relationships are about give and give, not give and take.

While I fully believe in giving emotionally to your teammate, I also stress the point that there is such a thing as giving too much. You should never do something for others for the sake of a return – as kindness for the sake of a reward is not really kindness.

If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you will always be left wondering if they do.

~by James Michael Sama

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