I’m tired of my life.
I am tired of always feeling stressed about my marriage. I am tired of dealing with the fall-out of my marriage in my children.
I am tired of a house that needs so many repairs, knowing that it will never get fixed unless I, and I alone, have the time, energy, and money to fix it. The roof leaks. The floor sags because it is rotting. I want to replace the carpet with wood. The kitchen needs new vinyl or tiles. Ditto my bathroom. I’ve painted about 1/2 of the rooms in the time we’ve lived here, but I want to do the rest of them. Especially my bedroom. And I need to redo our bathroom.
My bedroom makes me so sad. In CA, my bedroom was my sanctuary. It was so pretty. Here, my bedroom is green and ugly and depressing. I don’t even have nice curtains on the windows. Seven years in an ugly bedroom. Ugh. Also, half of the bedroom is the office, so that makes it even harder for my room to be an escape for me.
I wish I had time and space alone. I would just like to be me, without the tension of living with him.