Who am I? – Part the First

Who am I?

I think I’ve gotten lost somewhere along the way.  And I think I need to figure out who I am so I will know where to go.

So who am I?

I will start with the books and magazines on my shelves.  There are lots of books!  I like books.  I got that from my dad.  He liked books, too.  So, what books do I have?  I have some romances:  Emilie Loring, Grace Livingston Hill, Georgette Heyer.  I love Georgette Heyer!  She is great!  But I don’t really read romances any more.  They make me too sad.  I read mysteries.  I check them out from the library.

The other books I have are ones on gardening and decorating.  More on gardening, though, than decorating.  I have some books on health.  I have some books on homeschooling.  (I’ve homeschooled my daughters all their lives.)  And I have books on marriage.  Plenty of books on marriage. The Total Woman. Men & Women – Enjoying the Differences. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Created to be His Help-Meet. Sacred Influence. The Act of Marriage. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. For Better or For Best. Solomon on Sex. Holy Sex. Intended for Pleasure. His Needs, Her Needs. The Five Love Languages. The Surrendered Wife.  And there are probably a couple more somewhere.  But I think you get the idea.

The magazines are similar to the books.  Some homeschool magazines, but not many.  Gardening magazines.  Love those!  Romantic Homes magazine – before it changed.  Victoria magazine – both old and new.

So who am I?

My marriage is a mess.  I’m not saying the books aren’t right, that they don’t have tons of good information.  I’m just saying my marriage is a mess.

Homeschooling.  Well, I have one daughter in college and anther one who will be in less than a year.  The homeschooling part is pretty much done.  Wow.  I hadn’t really concretely thought about that.  I started homeschooling about 16 years ago (unless you want to start from the day my first one was born!  which you could easily do).  But I guess that phase is about over.  Wow.  Have to think about that some more.

Decorating.  I would love a beautiful, peaceful home.  I have some really pretty things.  But I have not repainted all of my walls and there is still way too much ugly in my house.  You know, like ancient carpet and old linoleum.  Um, and a leaking roof and a rotting floor. And too much clutter.  And too much sadness.

I still love gardening.  I don’t do it enough.  Sometimes I wish I could just live in my garden.

I also have most of the books I had as a little girl.  Children’s books.  Poetry books. Educational books.  I hold on a lot, I think, to things.  Books maybe are a connection to my dad like the jars are to my mom.  But I don’t have my dad.  He died when I was 21.   I don’t read most of my books.  Maybe most of them are just a security blanket.

A security blanket.

A security blanket.

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2 Responses to Who am I? – Part the First

  1. Divorcing a PA but reeling from the abuse says:

    My PAH wanted our children to be highly educated. I homeschooled them. I bought the discarded books from the library for 10-25 cents each. I’d buy a dollar’s worth every time we went to the library or a yard sale. Then my PAH told me we had too many books! Double minded… making me crazy… educate, learn, educate…. but don’t buy too many books.

    • Oh, mine tells me he wants me to have a nice garden (because that is what I want), but he gets upset when I buy plants. He says he wants me to have a pretty house, but he gets upset when I buy paint. Or almost anything for the house. He wasn’t involved at all in home-schooling, but would complain when I bought school books. Just insanity!!!

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