Illusion of a relationship

“Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn’t have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.

“To compensate for the other person’s unavailability, we worked too hard.  We may have done all or most of the work.  This may make the situation for a while, but we usually get tired.  Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we’re so tired we don’t care.

“Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring.  It is self-defeating and relationship defeating.  It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship.  It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share.  Because it does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized. ”

from “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie

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One Response to Illusion of a relationship

  1. I did this for a short time and it is draining and measurable. I reworked things with the kids so that we were not going somewhere everyday after school. I then sat soon to be ex down an told him that if he wanted dinner clean clothes and stuff to be done around the house he either started helping or took it all on himself. Needless to say he didn’t listen and seen very fast that there was no dinner when he came home from work. there were no clothes when he needed them and the dishes didn’t magically wash their self. He did everything for about 8 months and still didn’t bother to fix things. That is when I asked him to move out.

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