“Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn’t have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
“To compensate for the other person’s unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may make the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we’re so tired we don’t care.
“Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because it does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized. ”
from “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie