Some thoughts

“Self-absorption doesn’t require a partner.”  ~  Dusty

I heard that on the radio this evening and thought it appropriate for my blog!

I’ve been thinking again that maybe I need to try harder.  Maybe I should make more of an effort to speak his love language.

He keeps saying he wants to speak my love language.  I just want him to leave me alone.

In August, I asked him to move out.  He wouldn’t, of course.  (Whatever I want, he seems to do the opposite.)  I wish he had.  I think then maybe there would have been a chance.  Instead, I am continually tense around him and keep wishing he would just leave me alone.  Even when he is “nice,”  I feel tense around him.  I’ve felt that way for years; it keeps getting worse.

The tenseness is conditioning.  All the years of living with him, never knowing what is coming next.

In the book, “Why Do I Keep Doing That?  Why Do I Keep Doing That?,”  he mentions the saying, “You can sober up a drunken horse thief, but you still have a horse thief.”  Well, even if he learns to speak my love language, he would still be passive aggressive.  And if my love language is quality time, which I think it may be, but I’m not sure, why would I want to spend my time with someone who is passive aggressive?

Anyhow, maybe I will try to be more affectionate towards him.  Although, last time I tried that, he turned against me again later in the evening.

Maybe I should just go bang my head against a wall.

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