“Self-absorption doesn’t require a partner.” ~ Dusty
I heard that on the radio this evening and thought it appropriate for my blog!
I’ve been thinking again that maybe I need to try harder. Maybe I should make more of an effort to speak his love language.
He keeps saying he wants to speak my love language. I just want him to leave me alone.
In August, I asked him to move out. He wouldn’t, of course. (Whatever I want, he seems to do the opposite.) I wish he had. I think then maybe there would have been a chance. Instead, I am continually tense around him and keep wishing he would just leave me alone. Even when he is “nice,” I feel tense around him. I’ve felt that way for years; it keeps getting worse.
The tenseness is conditioning. All the years of living with him, never knowing what is coming next.
In the book, “Why Do I Keep Doing That? Why Do I Keep Doing That?,” he mentions the saying, “You can sober up a drunken horse thief, but you still have a horse thief.” Well, even if he learns to speak my love language, he would still be passive aggressive. And if my love language is quality time, which I think it may be, but I’m not sure, why would I want to spend my time with someone who is passive aggressive?
Anyhow, maybe I will try to be more affectionate towards him. Although, last time I tried that, he turned against me again later in the evening.
Maybe I should just go bang my head against a wall.