Someone stumbled across my blog by using the search terms “passive aggressive mad or bad.” I’m guessing that reader is long gone, but I thought I would comment anyway.
In my view, passive aggressive behavior is both.
A person who uses passive aggressive behavior is a very angry – or mad – person. They just don’t express it in the usual way. They may not even realize themselves that they are in reality very angry people. They don’t yell. At least my p.a. doesn’t, although it is my understanding that there are passive aggressive people who do yell. They don’t tell you something is bothering them. They don’t openly address anger. They just get back at you in undermining, vindictive, childish ways.
And is it bad? Well, you certainly can’t have a healthy relationship with a passive aggressive person! They continually break down any closeness that is brought into the relationship. They don’t trust you and they don’t let you trust them. Passive aggressive behavior destroys relationships. I would even go so far as to say that passive aggressive behavior destroys other people, too.
So, yes, passive aggressive behavior is mad and bad.
Living with a passive aggressive person is kind of like petting a cat. Have you ever petted a cat and the cat likes being petted and the cat starts purring. And you are happy and the cat seems to be happy. And then all of a sudden the cat turns around and scratches you? And you don’t know if next time you pet the cat it will just purr and be content or if it will purr and then turn on you and scratch you again. And if over time, you keep petting the cat and the cat keeps turning and scratching, you will become so wary of the cat and will have so many scars from the scratches. That is what it is like living with a passive aggressive person.