My mother-in-law has bone cancer. My husband needed my father-in-law to go with him to help him with his job for a little bit today, so I went to stay with my mother-in-law for about an hour.
Whenever my mother-in-law would start to say something to me, my father-in-law would start talking to me, interrupting her. Every time.
I watched them. I watched him talking about her cancer and her medications, seeming to care about her, but only in his way, not in her way. I saw her, sitting there, sick, resigned to whatever comes, resigned to whatever he says.
Is this my fate?
If I say nothing to my husband about my wishes and desires, then, yes, this is my fate, too. Being sick and resigned.
However, when I do speak up to him about things, he either gives me platitudes or refuses to address whatever I have to say. Or he sulks.
There was an interesting quote in a movie I watched the other night. The guy asked his wife, “Are you fighting for the marriage or for me?” She said it was the same thing, but he said, no, it wasn’t.
Sometimes I think my husband wants to fight for the marriage, but not necessarily for me. I think he doesn’t want to face the “shame” of loosing the marriage, but I am not sure how much he actually, truly, truly cares about me.
Maybe I have been guilty of this, too. Maybe I have fought too much for my marriage. And not fought enough for me.