I’ve been thinking why else leaving might be unfathomable to me. (see previous post)
Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that I can’t get it out of the back of my mind that somehow all of this is my fault. That I am unfair to him. That I am selfish. That I haven’t given him enough. That things I have done have broken down the marriage. That it is my fault and not his that the marriage is what it is. And, therefore, since it’s my fault, it’s not fair for me to leave him.
Despite all my arguing with myself and trying to see it fairly and honestly, somehow, in the back of my mind, I always think it must be my fault.
(Codependent? Ya think?)