Last night a dear friend called me. Years ago, when we lived in the same state, we would often see each other and tried to encourage one another in our marriages. She moved to another state and then our contact was only occasional emails. But she is kind of friend you instantly reconnect with, no matter how long it has been.
She divorced her husband a few years back and she is doing sooo much better. I am so very happy for her. But last night we were again talking about some of the things her husband put her through. He was verbally abusive and not loving and caring towards her, putting it mildly. And he chased other women. Very obvious destructive situation.
I have another friend her whose husband is an alcoholic who refuses to get help. Again, obvious destructive situation.
When I talk with, or email, these friends, sometimes I feel really badly comparing my situation to theirs – because there is nothing obvious in mine.
Passive aggressive behavior is covert. You don’t see it. So it makes the one on the receiving end of the behavior sound crazy to try to explain it.
I feel that way often when I am writing about things he does here on my blog. Sometimes I think I sound crazy. Sometimes – often – I think I sound petty. But these are just the weird things he does.
And it’s not like the 23 hours and 58 minutes of the day are filled with really good stuff and then he does/says some idiotic thing and I blog about those 2 minutes. No. Literally, the stuff I write about what he does is just about the extent of our interaction. I don’t write about every conversation we have about his work or his relatives or the relatives he’s worked for or the weather, but, pretty much, what I put here is all that our “relationship” is.
So, maybe you don’t see bruises on my arm or hear rude language directed at me or have a computer history of dating sights or see a staggering man on the streets, but the wounds in my heart are very, very, very real.