Can’t do it

There is a series of scenes in the movie “Eat Pray Love”  where Liz and her lawyer and her-soon-to-be ex-husband, who is representing himself, are meeting together to work out the divorce.

I don’t think I could do that.  I can see myself being on my own, but I don’t think I could face him in a situation like that.  I couldn’t do it.

If he wanted out, too, I could do it.  But I can’t see myself putting someone through so much pain.  Even though I hate the way he treats me, I don’t know if I could hurt him that much.

Does that make sense?

I wish it could just be done with, without going through the process.  Can’t we just fast-forward to the good, happy part and skip the icky part?

I don’t even know if there ever will be a good, happy part.  Maybe I will stay in the marriage.  If I do stay in the marriage, I need to figure out a better way of dealing with it.

Because right now, it is killing me.

When he came home this evening, he was as cheerful as ever.  Not a word about the silent treatment of this morning.  Of course, there never is ever anything at all ever said about the mean stuff that he does.  Whether he doesn’t see it, although I do think that he does, or he just won’t address it, I’m not always sure.  I think more often than not, he just won’t address it.

And I don’t know how to, either.  Like today, I was pretty busy this morning when I left the house, with him refusing to tell me good-by, so for several hours I didn’t think about what had happened.  But then later in the day, when I was thinking about it and blogging, then it began to sink in and I felt like I had been physically beat up.

So then this evening, when he comes home, acting like none of this happened, I have no clue what to say about it.  First of all, he would deny it. And then, from there, there really is not much point in going on, is there?


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4 Responses to Can’t do it

  1. Before you were married, did he tell you that he needed you and couldn’t live without you? Did he shower you with gifts and attention? Then when you married, did a switch go off? Did he start taking you for granted? Criticizing you whenever you didn’t do something exactly how he expected you to do it? I would get the silent treatment. I would beg him to talk to me but he would just say that I needed to be nicer. I needed to need him, he said. It drove me insane! I lost myself. I forgot who I was. It’s been 12 months, and I’m still detoxing my brain. I’m still beating myself up for things that happened that I feel I could have prevented. Our love never grew from romance to maturity; it went straight to toxic. You must do what will make you free. You can’t fix him. You can’t make him feel your feelings. You can’t make him understand. People like this will mourn temporarily. Then they’ll find another easy victim to squash. And it’s such a subtle squash. She won’t even know its coming…

  2. You know I felt the same way when wanting to ask my husband to leave back in octber. I knew he would be so hurt and upset and I didn’t want to go threw it. I also didn’t want to put our 3 small kids threw it. But I had to look at the bigger picture I was beyond unhappy I was becoming very with drawn and depressed and It all was effecting the kids. It was to the point I could not take it anymore and I could not put all of us threw the fighting. I also am not one to not say anything and let it go the fights were more and more and getting worse. I decided he may be crushed and who knew what he may do but I had to get out. I couldn’t worry about him and his feelings anymore he sure wasn’t worried about me or mine. It was time for me and my kids to be happy for a change. I also had to look at if I stayed what was that teaching my kids about being in a relationship when they were older. that helped to get out too.

    • So true! I am glad you were able to muster the courage to get out. The majority of women is extremely sympathetic and empathetic, making it easy for men like this to have the upper hand. It’s truly emotional abuse to the highest degree! Our life is too short to live this way, a child’s life as a child is but a flicker in time. You’re a good mom for putting them first.

  3. tt says:

    That’s it…. From Blissfull Romance – straight to Toxic – Never heard it put quite so well.

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