Food for thought

My brother sent this to me; I have to think about it.

I will say one thing:  I cried when I read it.

“It really is the truth that will set us free. Janet, a forty-two-year-old Harvard graduate, runs her own clothing store chain. Everyone she knows has heard her describe how unhappy she is in her marriage. Her husband is a head football coach at the university near their home. She always makes it clear that he is not mean to her, never hits, doesn’t have a drinking problem—but he just isn’t ever there for her emotionally, sexually, intellectually, or spiritually. Year after year she says she wants out.

“She came to see me on the recommendation of her therapist, who had heard this message from her once a week for years. The first thing out of her mouth when I asked her why she came was, ‘I am miserable in my marriage and I want out. I want to live a fuller, richer life with a man who is really present and attentive.’

“I told her, ‘No, you don’t want out, and that is the truth. If you can fully embrace this truth as the foundation from which to build a strategy, then you are halfway out of the relationship that causes you so much pain. If you keep thinking and telling yourself, your friends, your therapist, and me that you want out and keep this illusion in place, you will still be in the same place ten years from now. However, if you will accept the reality that you really don’t want out and make a list of reasons why you’re staying—then and only then can you really be free to leave this relationship.’

“She looked at me with anger, then comprehension in her eyes. ‘I thought you would just listen to me like everybody else does, but what you said is true. Why hasn’t my therapist pointed this out to me before?’”

(From The Half Lived Life: Overcoming Passivity and Rediscovering Your Authentic Self)


This entry was posted in emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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