I sorta want to talk about this and I sorta don’t. I don’t want to talk about it because I am just so sick and tired of it all. I also feel like I am just whining instead of actually doing something.
But because my blog is my place to vent, I’ll vent.
This morning he said, I think you should have sex with me. I said, I don’t think I should.
He said, why not? I said, because it tears me up inside and I just want to die. For years and year and years sex has made me cry and it means nothing to you.
He said, yes, it does. I told him, no, it doesn’t. I tell him he never does anything about it – not even acknowledging it. He says, I never do anything about it, either. I say, yes, I do. He says, how? I tell him that for years and years and years I’ve tried to make the marriage work, to go to counseling, to get help. He says, that’s not so. I tell him, it is so.
I ask him how he can have sex with me when it makes cry.
He said, it makes me feel bad. I said, no, it doesn’t. He said, well, I don’t feel very good about it. I said, how would I know.
Then he says, why can’t you touch me more? I try to tell him that I have felt so much hurt, so much pain, that I just don’t want to anymore.
Did you know that if the door kinda sticks, it doesn’t slam very well?
Did you know that I am married to a 2 year old??? Even though his driver’s license says he’s 45???
So now we’ve got the silent thing going on again. Oh, he did lower himself to asking me where the granola was, but he wouldn’t actually acknowledge me when I gave it to him.
Me screaming here. I just feel so insane right now.