Abusive characteristics

“…defining the key behaviors of an abusive man and the characteristics of the relationship he creates:

  • Give and take in the relationship goes grossly out of whack.  You end up giving way more than your share, while your partner is taking way more than his.
  • You pay a high price for bringing up certain subjects, so that you start to feel, “I just can’t talk to him about that.”
  • He tells you that things he has done to you are your own fault.
  • You get punished for standing up to him about certain things.  If you don’t back down when he reaches his limit, he will get you back for it by ripping you apart verbally, threatening you, scaring you, hurting you physically, or intentionally ruining your day.  The bottom line is, if he doesn’t get his way about something that is important to him, he makes sure to make you miserable.
  • You feel more and more controlled and devalued by him over time.
  • He hurts you for being hurt by him.  In other words, if you tell him how you have been affected by his destructive behavior, or he notices those effects himself, he uses those effects to ridicule you or to do you more harm in other ways.
  • He refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions.”

(quoted from, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”  link at right)

The passive aggressive man does these abusive things covertly, subtly, in ways that seem completely justifiable.

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This entry was posted in emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Abusive characteristics

  1. Jane says:

    Oh my! What a revalation !! My ex passive agressive covert abuser has now ignored our baby daughter for over three months! Has reported me to social services and to top it, CID came to arrest me for attacking him with a claw hammer yesterday! It’s a serious case

  2. shanna says:

    my husband is a ten year vet and has ptsd. things started to change about a year ago when my happily ever after turned into a nightmare. he has become abusive to me, angry outburst, and often confuses his perception of a situation with the reality of what actually happens. there’s no reasoning with him at this point. he has done alot for the kids and i so i can finish my nursing degree and is amazing otherwise. he has never hurt the kids and they have not been exposed to this. im so scared of not only his unpredictable mood swings but the fear of walking away leaving him alone. he has suffered unimaginable tragedy and truly is a good man with a good heart but i know the reality of this situation and am seeking information, advice, and options.

    • I googled and found this website: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/ It looks like it might be a start to finding resources. If he is physiclly abusive, you need to get out NOW and go to a shelter. I know you care about him, but you MUST keep yourself and your children safe!!!! Seek the help YOU need! He needs help, too, but you can’t put your life at risk while you are looking for help for him! Please take good care of yourself!

  3. shanna says:

    anyone that may know psychiatric help lines. anything that may help this unpredictable mental disorder

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