“…defining the key behaviors of an abusive man and the characteristics of the relationship he creates:
- Give and take in the relationship goes grossly out of whack. You end up giving way more than your share, while your partner is taking way more than his.
- You pay a high price for bringing up certain subjects, so that you start to feel, “I just can’t talk to him about that.”
- He tells you that things he has done to you are your own fault.
- You get punished for standing up to him about certain things. If you don’t back down when he reaches his limit, he will get you back for it by ripping you apart verbally, threatening you, scaring you, hurting you physically, or intentionally ruining your day. The bottom line is, if he doesn’t get his way about something that is important to him, he makes sure to make you miserable.
- You feel more and more controlled and devalued by him over time.
- He hurts you for being hurt by him. In other words, if you tell him how you have been affected by his destructive behavior, or he notices those effects himself, he uses those effects to ridicule you or to do you more harm in other ways.
- He refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions.”
(quoted from, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” link at right)
The passive aggressive man does these abusive things covertly, subtly, in ways that seem completely justifiable.