Set to

Warning:  this is another stupid “he said/I said” post.

Earlier this week, I told my husband that I wished I could take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University classes.  He said he wished he could, too, but that it wouldn’t work.  I said that if I wanted to and he wanted to, why didn’t we.  So he said to sign us up.

Then I got to thinking.  Dave Ramsey says couples are to share their finances.  I don’t trust him with the money I earn because of the passive aggressive issues.

I told him that I didn’t want to take the class because I didn’t trust him about money and because of the way he uses money to hurt me.  He said taking the class would help us and it was something we could do together.

I have a suspicion that maybe he is looking at the classes as a way of getting to the money I earn.  But maybe I am just paranoid.

I was listening to Dave Ramsey today and my husband came in.  He asked if I had signed us up for the class.  I told him that I wanted us to do marriage counseling first.

He said he couldn’t afford marriage counseling.  He asked if I had noticed that he hadn’t had much work.  I said, yes, I had noticed.  He said that Thanksgiving (which I host for my family – he spends most of the day with his family), and going to the therapist, and my daughters and me going to Ohio, and the expenses of the cat, had wiped him out financially in the past few months.  I told him that all those things were for the family, were for his daughters.  He said he didn’t even know why he worked.  I asked him, wasn’t he working to support us?  He said he thought he should get something, too.  I asked him what he thought he should get.  He said, a relationship and sex.  I told him I wasn’t the one that was breaking down the relationship, and that I couldn’t have sex with him anymore because there wasn’t a relationship.  I told him I had cried after sex for years and years and years and that I couldn’t do that anymore.  He said he tries to spend time with me.  I told him all he talks about is himself, and that if I bring up something that I am interested in, that he is negative about it.  He said that I take what he says the wrong way.  I told him that maybe he says things the wrong way.  I told him that he always says that I take what he says the wrong way, but he never stops to think that maybe he is saying the wrong things, that he doesn’t take any of the responsibility for what he says.  So then he did the sulking/victim thing, “I guess I can’t ever say anything right.”

Then he said he had to leave to go help his dad.  And that he didn’t know when he would be home.

He came home a few minutes ago and he was cheerful and talked about his mom and his dad.

I hate these “he said/I said” posts.  They sound so stupid.

I don’t think it is possible for us to get anything resolved because he won’t take responsibility for his part.  He won’t go to counseling.  He won’t address things I think need to be addressed.  I don’t think there is much hope for us.

This entry was posted in emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Set to

  1. Mine says I take everything he says wrong too. I’m like most of it is cut and dry how many things can it really mean not many and even them aren’t good. Then he says I just want to make him look bad or make him the bad guy.

  2. The Financial Peace University classes are really good, both challenging and inspiring. You can go through them without your husband and keep your money separate. However, if you think you will feel guilty about separating your money, you might want to wait until you leave. :) I went through the classes with my husband while we were dating and ended up giving my life savings towards his debt when we got married. It was a mistake for me to trust him, but that says more about him and our relationship than the Dave Ramsey plan. :)

  3. I think that ideally Dave Ramsey is right. I would LOVE to be in a relationship where we could work TOGETHER on the finances! But I do not think it will work in a toxic, passive aggressive relationship. Someday I will go to FPU. Maybe now is not the right time, like you said! :)

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