I hate it when he tells me stuff like I wrote about in the previous post. I hate it that it makes me hope that things really will get better. I hate it that it creates such a conflict in me, that I want it better, that I don’t want it better, that I want to leave, that I think maybe I should or will have to stay.
It makes me insane.
I wish I could just go away from all of this and just not have to deal with it in ANY way whatsoever. I am just so tired of it all.
I am working, however slowly, toward getting a better paying job so I can at least have a hope of getting away, even if it is only for a little while, as in months or a year, to give myself time and space to figure out exactly what I do want. Hopefully by the end of this year, I will have that better paying job. Sometimes that seems like forever, but for right now, I am just stuck. At least I have a plan for getting out.
Maybe him saying those things is only a ploy to get me to hang in there, to keep on putting up with him. Or maybe he thinks he really will change. I don’t know. So far he hasn’t admitted that he has a problem with passive aggressive behavior and if a person can’t admit that they have a problem, then he or she can’t work at overcoming that problem.