This is another t.m.i. post.
I’ve been really depressed the past couple of weeks. And, as I mentioned in a previous post, when I am down and out, he is much more kind and considerate. He’s rubbed my feet. He picked daffodils for me. (They smell wonderful.) There hasn’t been any p.a. stuff going on, and I was feeling a little more relaxed around him.
I was even thinking about having sex with him again. But I didn’t say anything about it.
Yesterday evening I felt so happy about having the mentor that I do for my work/career/job search project and so I told him about it and was exited about it and he said all the right things.
He was affectionate while we watched t.v. last night and I was fairly comfortable with it.
So, I get into bed and he says,
“I know you want sex, so you can just get on top of me and do whatever you want to me.
Or I can make passionate love to you.
Or we can do nothing at all.”
That is just so close and caring and intimate. Thank you for deigning, for lowering yourself to allow me to use your body. That really makes me feel special.
Have I ever mentioned (the answer is yes) that passive aggressive men do not make love to you. They will have sex with you, but they will not make love. Sex is a control thing or a punishing thing (by withholding. Or forcing it, if you don’t want it.) It is not a way to draw closer, to deepen the relationship. A passive aggressive man cannot bear to be close to you emotionally.
So here he is offering sex in a very, very detached way. Not a close, intimate, loving way. And, of course, not committing himself that he has the desire.
I had been lulled, for the past couple of weeks, into thinking that maybe things would be o.k.; maybe the passive aggressive behavior was subsiding. What was I thinking?
No, I didn’t have sex with him last night. I could have until he said what he did and I told him that, too. Of course, he said he was really sorry. Of course. I did have sex with him this morning and survived. I didn’t cry at the time. But I did later.
As long as I stay in the marriage, I will face passive aggressive behavior. Period. That’s just the nature of the beast. I gotta remember that, no matter how different it seems.