Does he love me?

He says he does.  Does he just say it?  Does he think he means it?

I’ve always wondered if he loved me.  Years ago, I used to ask him if he loved me even though he would say it a lot.   Even back then, I never felt loved.

When I would tell him that I didn’t feel loved, he would say that it was because I wouldn’t accept love.

“The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.”    [I added the italics.]

When I first read this about passive aggressive behavior (link), it made so much sense.  It expressed exactly how he made me feel.   Useful.  But not loved.

Maybe I’ve been needy about love.  Probably so, because I’m codependent.

But I also need love.  Everyone needs love.

Sometimes I get confused in trying to overcome being codependent.  I often think that when I want to be loved that I am being needy and codependent and that I shouldn’t have this desire to be loved.

But we were designed to love and to be loved.

Sometimes people say, oh, well, your daughters love you, your siblings love you, your friends love you, etc.


But, in the beginning, in the Garden, a mate was created.   Not a child, not a sibling, not a friend.  A mate.  A lover.

So, yes, my friends love me.  And my daughters.  And my siblings.

But couldn’t I please have that someone special to love me?  To know that I actually do matter to someone who is special to me?   Wanting that is not necessarily needy and codependent, is it?

I’m not crazy, am I?  To want to be loved?  To want to be in a loving, meaningful relationship?  To know that a mature, caring man truly does love me and appreciate me?

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Love?

  1. It’s not crazy to want to be loved.
    It’s this strange thing men are capable of; giving you the feeling you’re crazy and irrational for expecting them to input more in a relationship than solely their presence and their dick.
    It’s an evolutionary thing; men are made to spread their sperm and thus their genes, not to build up a monogamous relationship. There is a clear advantage in building up such a relationship, so they do it, but biologically it’s not in their nature. And thus it is hard for them.
    Trust me, your asshole husband may be high in the charts of jerkishness and lovelessness, but actually all men have trouble with it.
    It’s really not crazy to want someone to care for you, love you and have positive sexual intercourse with you. It’s completely normal. We women have a biological, emotional need for this. *hugs*
    I really hope you’ll find the strength to seek out better places one day. You deserve someone who loves you.

  2. atlas says:

    Everybody needs to love and be loved. You deserve a love that makes you feel whole and healthy. I won’t say everybody deserves it because there are those who don’t.

    I believe you’re someone who deserves the magical kind of love. The whole and healthy, appreciative and positive love.

  3. Sue says:

    I read this and cannot tell you how many times that I have said I have felt loved for what I do not who I am and that sometimes I think he would be equally as happy with a dog that he could just reach over and pet once in a while or keep him company while he’s out chopping wood or watching tv.

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