Yesterday, in “The Language of Letting Go,” the reading was about letting go of worry. It said stuff like, what if the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, what if we knew our worst fear would work out for the best, what if we knew our future was going to be good, what if we knew everything was okay.
So, I’m really not good at thinking like this.
Because this is my what if…..
What if this pain that I keep having, and that is getting more painful, really is cancer? What if I die in another year? What if this is all my life amounts to? What if I never get the relationship, the marriage that always meant so much to me? What if I don’t get to be who I wanted to be? What if this is it? And I die only having lived this little? Not having lived anywhere close to what I wanted to live?
I know. Really depressing thoughts. :(
But I get scared. I wanted so much more for myself.
I think there is a saying somewhere about not borrowing trouble, so I really shouldn’t scare myself by thinking these things.