I’m reading a really good book by Marcus Buckingham called “Find Your Strongest Life – What the Happiest and Most Successful Women do Differently.”
One of the things he talks about is finding your “strong moments,” times in your day or week when you feel the strongest, and focus on these and work to make more of this type of activity in your life. And try to get rid of what pulls you down or makes you weak.
He advocates finding strong moments in all areas of your life. His book mainly applies to careers, but he says that your life needs to build you and strengthen you in everything that you do. Strength in one area of your life (like work) does not compensate for weakening in other areas (like marriage or parenting.) He says to focus on the strong things in all areas in your life, so they will expand, while diminishing the bad areas.
So, I’ve been thinking about my marriage. (Of course. That’s what I do.) What strengthens me in my marriage? What gives me “strong moments” in my marriage?
Here’s what I came up with:
Yesterday morning, he left the house a couple hours earlier that usual (he was going to a trade show type of thing). I felt so peaceful without him in the house. When he is around, even when there isn’t open conflict, which there usually isn’t, I always feel tense. It was so nice yesterday morning to feel so relaxed.
Even last night, when he was telling me about the stuff he heard and saw at the thing he went to and I was telling him about stuff at the store, it still felt empty. I felt like I was trying too hard. I tell him about stuff to see if maybe there will be a connection, maybe this time will be different. (My brother reminded me that “it doesn’t get that cold where I live.”) But at the same time, I am holding up a wall, so when there isn’t the connection, I won’t be hurt. Both these activities are very draining.
Not strong moments.