Any compassion?

So I came home from work today so depressed that I wanted to kill myself.  It was only thinking of my daughters that kept me from finding a way to do this.

My daughters were at the movies when I came home, so I had the house to myself to cry and cry and cry.

When my husband came home, cheerful as usual, he asked me how I was.  I told him that I was really depressed and he responded with “pobrecita.”  Then he asked if we got the trapped hummingbird out of the store today.  I told him that we didn’t, that it probably died overnight.  Then he said he was “whooped,” meaning really tired.  Then he asked me why I was depressed.  I told him that I hated my life.  He asked, what part.  I told him, all of it.  He asked, what can we do about it?  So, I asked him, what are you willing to do about it?  He said he didn’t know, except that he wouldn’t leave, saying that he wasn’t that bad and evil.  I didn’t say anything else and we went in the house.  (I had been on the deck, planting a plant in a container.)

When we got in the house, he wanted to know when our older daughter was going to pay him for the insurance on the car she drives.  He went on about that and then started into, why aren’t the dishes washed.  And why is the kitchen a mess.   And about how the girls spend all day on youtube.  (They don’t.)  Then he wanted to know what was for dinner and when dinner was.  I told him I didn’t know and that he would have to fend for himself.  So he got left-overs out of the fridge and sat down in front of the t.v.  I continued working on the laundry and cleaning the house and talking to my daughters when they came while he sat there watching t.v.

Then he told me about a tractor for sale.  Which was way out of his price range.  And the local gossip from the person who stopped by his shop today.

So much for having someone caring and compassionate actually be concerned about me.

Some day I will leave all of this. Not sure when yet, but someday I will leave.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Any compassion?

  1. sagemerald06 says:

    OMG! I wish I could share something very private with you so that only you could read….. It sounds just like the e-mail I wrote to my husband. Wishing I was dead. I told him that if it wasn’t for my two kids I would get his shotgun from the attic and blow my brains out. I hate my life! I’m living a double a life that I live at work and then I get in my vehicle and drive home in tears. I turn the corner into our subdivision and dread driving into my garage. All I do is cry and and hole up in my bedroom. But he finds me and badgers me. Why didn’t I do this, why didn’t you tell our son to do this, why is our daughter not here yet…. WHY! WHY! I just want to tell him WHY don’t ‘YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE F****** ALONE. My e-mail address is *********** please e-mail me perhaps we could talk on the phone and lift each others spirits. All I can say is what a dreadful existence we live……

    • Your comment made me cry. I feel so horrible for women in abusive situations. I want to fix it for all of us. It shouldn’t be this way; we shouldn’t be treated this way! It is SO not right!!!! Yes, it is a dreadful existence we live. :( And please leave as soon as you can.

  2. renxkyoko says:

    Oh.

    Your husband is quite dense.

    It’s hard when I haven’t been in this situation yet. Saying that your husband is dense now sounds lame to me. I’m confused.

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