To my daughters: Please don’t read this. This isn’t how it is supposed to be.
So, how do prostitutes do it? They say yes, for whatever reason. But do they really want to do it? And what if they don’t? What mind games do they play so they don’t cry? Or vomit? Or kill themselves? How do they fight the revulsion? Does it make it “easier” because it is a business transaction? Because he doesn’t profess to love you?
I had been thinking about sex all day yesterday so last night when he asked, I said yes. My desire to be touched won out over my desire for him to not touch me. How can I want something so badly and hate it so much at the same time?
So he started and my skin crawled but I kept gong. Finally I told him to get off of me [stop touching me]. My revulsion overwhelmed my desire. I couldn’t have an orgasm; I couldn’t do it any more. I started crying.
Then I told him to just do what he had to do so he could leave me alone and I could go to sleep.
What kind of man gets on top of his wife while she is crying, tells her he loves her and he is sorry she is sad, that she feels so good? Does his thing, while she is crying?
He finishes. As he drifts off to sleep, he says, “I love you. Sorry it didn’t work out for you.”