Cranking the Model T

I read this in a recent post on “Leadership Freak:”

Avoid Model T’s. Before driving a Model T you crank it to get it started. If you have to convince, cajole, or constantly crank someone to get them going, that’s all you’ll ever do. You’ll crank them – they’ll sputter – you’ll crank them again the next time. Failing is easy; just spend your time cranking.”

~~~~~

O.K., so I’ve been so co-dependent in my married life.  I’ve been cranking the Model T.   I’ve really slowed down on doing that the past couple of years, but that instinct is still there.

Yesterday, even though it was a pretty good, fairly busy day for me, I was feeling lonely.  You know,  just wanting to hang out with someone special, wanting to feel special, wanting to feel connected.   I told him about something that I heard on the radio that I found interesting.  But somehow, it was just empty to share it with him.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Whenever I tell him about stuff – just everyday stuff, not even the important stuff – I find myself feeling frustrated by his responses.  I don’t know how to explain it.  You don’t go into a conversation expecting certain responses from the person you’re talking to, so it’s stupid to feel frustrated by his responses.  But I do.  Maybe it’s because the p.a. attitude is pervasive.

I guess that in the back of my mind, there is still the thinking, “This time it will be different.”  Maybe this is the conversation that we connect.  Ha.  I don’t know why I do that.  “Hope springs eternal.”   I need to read “Necessary Endings” again.   And make it stick in my brain.  In that book, the author says you have to get hopeless.

Gotta stop cranking the Model T.

Gotta get rid of the Model T, so the temptation isn’t there to crank it.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Cranking the Model T

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I make the mistake of trying to have a conversation or share something with my husband, and I am met with unemotional, superficial answers, or I have to repeat myself because he didn’t understand what I said. I usually become frustrated and regret trying to talk to him like a normal person in the first place. I really can’t take much more of this, I feel like I am suffocating.

    • I know that feeling! I feel trapped, like a huge part of me is dying, like I am drowning. :( Hopefully soon I can get a good job and find another place to live so I won’t have to deal with this on a daily basis. I don’t even know why I try anymore to have conversations, when I already know they won’t work.

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