I am so furious and so hurt and so sad right now.
He’s mad at me. I’m not sure why. Probably because I’m not doting all over him. And because my family is coming over today. Of course, he would deny that he is mad at me. So, how do I know he’s mad at me?
Well, he went after me again this morning about my daughter, our daughter, paying him the money for the car insurance and the car repairs (on the car he refuses to sell her. Oh, except, a week or so ago, something on it needed to be fixed, and he said that he was thinking of selling it to her because he needed the money. The problem was a fuse and he replaced that and said no more about selling it to her.), and paying for her part of the cell phone bill. And then there was the thing about her not mowing the lawn and not getting a job for the summer. And he wanted to know where she was going to college in the fall and why I wouldn’t tell him without asking her if I could.
She won’t mow the lawn and pay the bills he wants her to pay because she treats him just like he treats her. O.K., she does mow minimally. That is, when she can get the lawn mower, that he doesn’t fix, to work. And she has paid her bills; just not for last month. She hasn’t told him about her college plans because he doesn’t have a relationship with her. She’s not getting a summer job because she will only be here for a couple more weeks, then she’ll check out her new college in another state and work at a summer camp, come home for a couple more weeks after that and then move away. But I didn’t tell him that.
If he wanted to know about her plans, he should have built a relationship with her. But, of course, I am the bad guy because I won’t tell him her plans. They are her plans; they’re not mine.
And he had the audacity to say that growing up is about taking on responsibility and doing things you don’t want to do just because it is the right thing to do. Really? Is that so? This was rich coming from him. I guess he can do no wrong in his eyes.
I wrote him a check. I wrote him a check for every dime my daughter owes him so he will get off my back about her.
What is it about money? Why does money become more important than relationships?
He doesn’t have a relationship with her but because it is rational that she pay him what she owes him, he can be completely justified in demanding that she pay him instead of looking at the deeper question of what is going on here.
It’s kind of a long story, but when I was about twenty-five, my mom was going to take me to court to sue me for $45,000 dollars. (See this post for the story.) So this morning, when I was feeling so horrible about him hounding me about my daughter, I felt like saying something about my daughter owing him $45,000. Because that’s how I felt. The money was more important than the relationship.
I wrote him a check for the money my daughter owes him so maybe now he’ll leave me alone.
But I guess not. There will just be something else.