Last evening, I went to a workshop at the Women’s Resource Center presented by an attorney about the legal aspects of divorce and separation in the state in which I live.
There are only two grounds for divorce in this state: incurable insanity (his, not yours! :}) and one year separation.
Anyhow, the workshop was very helpful. It’s kinda scary because it is such a huge step, but I guess it’s either move out or continue in living in what I am living in.
He refuses to go to counseling and obviously we can’t fix the marriage on our own, so I really don’t see any way that things could ever be better here. And I do not want this for my life. And I do not believe that my marriage is anything at all like what God intended for marriage. So to stay in this because of a piece of paper is really stupid.
Even if we separate, we don’t have to divorce. If separation leads to him being willing to address our situation and work together on improving our situation, then good. But if he just pouts, as I am afraid he will, then that’s that.
The attorney said that even though all the legal stuff sounded difficult, it is not as difficult as whatever you are in. She said the legal stuff is difficult, but it has an ending.
She said, don’t focus on the obstacles. She said, life can get bad really quick. And life can get good really quick.
She said that energy is a far more valuable asset than money! She told us, preserve your energy. When your energy is low, nothing seems possible. She said the big picture is overwhelming and that we should just focus on the next thing you have to do. Do it and then move on to the next thing. Preserve your energy!
She told us, he’s crazy! Move on!
She was very good. She was very matter of fact, but I could also tell that she had empathy.
It was hard to go to the workshop. Taking that step. Admitting that I needed to go to the workshop. She offers this workshop almost every month and I’ve know about it for about seven months now. And I finally went.
She said, when you move out, take everything you want with you. She said, he’s supposed to leave your stuff alone, but there is no guarantee of that, so take it with you. So I guess I need to get serious about getting rid of stuff and deciding what really is important to me. I guess that is something I’ve needed to do for many, many years, because I have way too much stuff. Every so often I clean out and get rid of stuff, but never enough stuff. Maybe the time is just right in my life for me to be able to actually do this.
Whew! So much to think about after the workshop last evening. Big. Scary. Overwhelming.