Moving on workshop

Last evening, I went to a workshop at the Women’s Resource Center presented by an attorney about the legal aspects of divorce and separation in the state in which I live.

There are only two grounds for divorce in this state: incurable insanity (his, not yours! :}) and one year separation.

Anyhow, the workshop was very helpful.  It’s kinda scary because it is such a huge step, but I guess it’s either move out or continue in living in what I am living in.

He refuses to go to counseling and obviously we can’t fix the marriage on our own, so I really don’t see any way that things could ever be better here.   And I do not want this for my life.  And I do not believe that my marriage is anything at all like what God intended for marriage.  So to stay in this because of a piece of paper is really stupid.

Even if we separate, we don’t have to divorce.  If separation leads to him being willing to address our situation and work together on improving our situation, then good.  But if he just pouts, as I am afraid he will, then that’s that.

The attorney said that even though all the legal stuff sounded difficult, it is not as difficult as whatever you are in.  She said the legal stuff is difficult, but it has an ending.

She said, don’t focus on the obstacles.  She said, life can get bad really quick.  And life can get good really quick.

She said that energy is a far more valuable asset than money!  She told us, preserve your energy.  When your energy is low, nothing seems possible.  She said the big picture is overwhelming and that we should just focus on the next thing you have to do.  Do it and then move on to the next thing.  Preserve your energy!

She told us, he’s crazy!  Move on!

She was very good.  She was very matter of fact, but I could also tell that she had empathy.

It was hard to go to the workshop.  Taking that step.  Admitting that I needed to go to the workshop.  She offers this workshop almost every month and I’ve know about it for about seven months now.  And I finally went.

She said, when you move out, take everything you want with you.  She said, he’s supposed to leave your stuff alone, but there is no guarantee of that, so take it with you.  So I guess I need to get serious about getting rid of stuff and deciding what really is important to me.  I guess that is something I’ve needed to do for many, many years, because I have way too much stuff.   Every so often I clean out and get rid of stuff, but never enough stuff.  Maybe the time is just right in my life for me to be able to actually do this.

Whew!  So much to think about after the workshop last evening.  Big. Scary. Overwhelming.

Necessary.

Necessary Endings.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Moving on workshop

  1. A one-year seperation before divorce? Are you close enough to a border to move to another state and file there? I know some states only require you be a resident of that state for a certain time frame before filing (MO, GA, FL, etc).

  2. I hadn’t thought of that; I’ll look into it. Thank you!

  3. renxkyoko says:

    Oh, this is sad….. I always feel sad when married couple separate.

    be happy and take care. I hope you are able to solve this life-changing problem.

    • I don’t know yet what exactly I am going to do. I am still here. I still try to think of ways to make it work. I went to the workshop for the information; I’m not moving out yet. Thanks for your comment, though.

      • Charis says:

        Would your husband attend Retrouvaille with you? If it was me, I’b be straight with him and tell him that I was seriously considering ending the marriage because the status quo is just NOT WORKING for me and send him the link leaving it up to him to initiate.

        If you do go, I hope you can attend the post sessions. They are really powerful.

      • Charis – I honestly do not think that he would attend it. I am going to do what you suggest, though. The last time I asked him to go to counseling – and I realize that Retrouavaille is different from counseling – he wouldn’t. Almost all the times in our marriage I have asked him if we could get help, he wouldn’t; only about 6 or 8 times in all the years we have been married. But I will send him the link and ask him about it.

  4. Luanne says:

    Read the book “Necessary Endings!” It’s fantastic for both business and personal life. I am a management consultant and will use it for my coaching practice and for myself to improve things with my difficult husband too. I just finished it this weekend on Kindle and loved it so much I bought the hard copy so I could highlight all the great information. It tells you WHY we don’t end things when we should and what to do/say in order to complete the “necessary ending.” Great!!

    • Isn’t that the most amazing book? I discovered it about a year and a half ago and I have read it several times. I do need to read it again, though!!! I am planning a speech in Toastmasters around the “pruning” chapter. I have a link to the book on the right side of my blog.

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