Car update

I asked him straight out last night if he was going to give the car to K.  He said, yes.  I said, give or sell?  He said, give.

I told him we need to go ahead and get the title transferred because she will be moving soon.  From the conversation that followed, it seems like he wants to keep the car, but just let her use it.  I don’t think that is such a good idea, given his passive aggressive tendencies.  I think if it is going to be hers, it should be hers, especially since she is moving to another state.

He said it would be cheaper on insurance and not transferring the  title and her not having to get new registration and plates in a different state.  But it kind of seems like maybe a control thing to me.  I don’t know.  I don’t think it is a good idea for us to own the car and her to use it in another state.  For one thing, there will be the continual money thing of who pays for what.  I thought of writing up a document that all three of us sign outlining who pays for what and when.  But I don’t want to do that; I think it is a bad idea.  I think we just need to go ahead and give her the car.  And let all the responsibility be hers once we pay to have the title transferred.

He also told me that he asked his mom if she would sell her car to him.  She said she wanted to keep it and he told me that we couldn’t afford it anyway.  So I am wondering why he even asked about buying a car we couldn’t afford?  He also said he has no money to buy a car for our younger daughter to use for college.  (Hhmmm….. let me see….  the other day he was deeply offended that I would dare to suggest that he is not a good provider…  let me think about this…. )

Well, I guess the passive aggressive question the other night, about “what is J going to drive to college?,” was actually his way of saying, I can’t afford to have a car for J to use.  And I think maybe it is manipulation, too, to get me to deal with finding and buying a car for J.  Of course, he has done his part in looking for a car for her by asking his mom if she will sell him her car, which he can’t afford.  He knows I will make sure J has a car to use and he doesn’t have to do anything about it.

I SO need out of this.

He’s sulking again.

Last night, he asked me if I wanted to make love.  I told him that it made me cry.   He said, “I’m sorry,” and rolled over away from me.  But I know he’s mad at me.

This is so stupid.  I want to make love so badly.  Passive aggressive men don’t actually make love, because that would involve something emotional; they’ll just have sex.  But he refuses to go to marriage counseling which could possibly improve the marriage which could possibly lead to having sex at some point.

Of course, not being able to make love hurts me.  Sometimes I hurt so bad that I can hardly stand it.  But, then again, any time I try to have sex with him, I just want to kill myself.  So which would you pick?  Starvation or poisoned food?

You know, there is something really unattractive about a grown man sulking.  It makes me feel like I have a spoiled little boy living in my house.   It doesn’t improve his chances at all of getting to have sex.  Whatever.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Car update

  1. renxkyoko says:

    I don’t know…….. I think your husband is actually a good person… he just doesn’t know how to show his true feelings.

    • You know, I don’t know. I really don’t know. Sometimes I would agree with you and then other times it just makes me insane. I don’t know what to do. I wish we could go to counseling but he won’t so I don’ know what to do. :(

  2. Charis says:

    Does he read the blog? Seems to me that he might be more motivated to get some help for the marriage if he knew this:

    But he refuses to go to marriage counseling which could possibly improve the marriage which could possibly lead to having sex at some point.

    Again, I’ll suggest Retrouvaille over MC though. I think its more predictably helpful than MC.

    • Dear Charis,
      Thank you for visiting my blog again! :) No, he doesn’t read my blog; he doesn’t know it exists. I don’t think I have said that to him specifically any time recently. Somehow it just makes sense to me and I assume he sees the connection. But he probably doesn’t. I have been thinking recently about bringing up counseling or a workshop to him again and about how I want to do it and what to say so that it would most helpful for both of us. Thank you for your encouragement.

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