More on Finances

See, I told you I would probably forget something about finances.

When he started his business about seven years ago, I did the book-keeping for him.  I finally resigned from doing that in December.  And I’ll tell you why.

Chaos.

Another trait of passive aggressive behavior.

Even though he said he would give me all the receipts, he didn’t.  So I had to double check every single receipt against every single credit card bill.

Now maybe this wouldn’t have been so bad, except… there was a personal checking account but not a business checking account, there were two business credit cards and three personal credit cards.   But that didn’t mean that business stuff went only on the business cards.  No, business stuff could also be on the personal cards.  And personal stuff could be on the business cards.  And business stuff was also paid with the personal checking account.  It was crazy.

It was just too much chaos and stress for me, so I finally said, I’m not doing your books anymore.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to More on Finances

  1. Sheilah says:

    Thank you. For twenty years, I never knew how to explain what I am going through to friends or family. You gave it a name for me. Chaos. Everything he touches, everything he interferes with…. turns chaotic.

  2. mo says:

    Hi wp, I am finally able to visit here again (what has it been, a day? two days? :-)) … Anyway, I am reading backwards, so I haven’t read the first finance post yet. But this one — WOW. You summed it up perfectly: CHAOS. Chaos everywhere. And all the different accounts! YES!! I lost count of how many accounts he has open now; I just know that there’s no money in any of them. (Although now I wonder about that … but truly, I don’t think he’d be able to keep money in them if he tried). And yes, the receipt thing!! And the mixing of the personal and business accounts! That’s like my husband, although he mixes checking, savings, loans, etc. Nightmare! I’m amazed at these similarities … I am still stunned by this phenomenon. It is WILD.

  3. ardi says:

    Wow! So glad I found your blog. Thank you. I’m in the middle of leaving a p/a. Sounds like we’ve all been married to the same man. I didn’t know about all his debt and bankruptcies when I married him. I’ve gone through the same chaos with all the different bank accounts, credit cards, etc. all with nothing in them and nothing on them. He could be overdrawn in three accounts at the same time. And while he does this he can be a penny pinching self-righteous martyr and make me feel like a selfish bitch for having medical bills. So my dilemma now is that he has moved out (sort of…long story) and I am disabled and he is still responsible for the bills. He told me about a week ago that he had enough money in the bank to pay the rent and “other bills”. Then when it was time to pay the rent he gave me cash for a little over half of it and a few days later a check for the rest. The check was made out to him from an insurance company but not a company I’ve heard of and no explanation as to where the check came from. Worries me that it might have been meant for something else. Anyway, I waited until the utilities, etc. were a couple days past due before I texted him that the other bills needed paid. It makes me absolutely nuts to have to ask him, remind him, wonder, wonder what is going on. He makes sure that nothing ever gets paid without it first causing stress and chaos. Even if he has the money. His answer was that he JUST got a check for xx amount and that xx was for bills and xx for me and xx for him. What happened to what he said was in the bank? And he did not address the fact that I have a doctor’s appointment coming up that this is not enough to cover. I don’t see how this will ever end if I have to depend on him for financial help. He will be able to abuse me like this forever if I can’t find a way to support myself. I want him out of my life so bad. It’s good to vent when I know someone gets it. Thanks.

    • I’m glad you found my blog, too! :) Feel free to vent any time you need to! Is it court mandated that he pay these expenses? I don’t know anything at all about legal issues, but I wonder if there is a way to get it into papers that he has to pay you the money by a certain time or something like that? Or is there a way to get the bills sent directly to him, in his name, so if they are late, it is in his name and not yours? Are you working with a lawyer at all? Even though I know it is INCREDIBLY hard, try to stay out of the drama as much as you can. Detach emotionally as much as you can. Don’t give him that power! I am glad you are able to leave. Thank you for visitng my blog and, again, feel free to vent any time you want! :)

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