Did I ever tell you that I hate August?
I probably haven’t mentioned it, but every year, I hate August.
I got married in August. And for awhile, August really wasn’t a problem.
But then I started noticing that every year, August was horrible.
I finally figured out that it was because my marriage has been so empty and so disappointing and every year our anniversary, at the beginning of August, would remind me that the dreams that I had for marriage simply weren’t happening. And every year, the marriage got worse.
Last year, in August, I asked him to move out. So, of course, last August was miserable. (He didn’t move out, by the way.)
I thought maybe this August wouldn’t get to me. You know, the marriage is pretty much over, so I thought that the “hopes and dreams” thing wouldn’t bug me so much this year.
I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t. But this August is turning out to be hellish, too.
First there was the “I’m not going to buy my daughter a car” issue. So now I have loan payments.
My younger one didn’t pass the driver’s test this morning, so I get to drive her to school next week until she can retake the test. I’m not upset with her at all. That’s just how things go sometimes. My older one didn’t get her license the first time she took the test either. But it just means that I have to leave the house an hour and a half before I have to be at work in the morning and then go pick her up from school after work. Like I said, I’m not upset about it. But it is just one more thing. You know, if my husband had a relationship with her, he could help me out with this. But, no. My older daughter can take her to school on her first day, so that will be good.
But then my older one is moving to another state to go to school. This is right, natural, and normal. But I am going to miss her so badly that I can’t even stand to think about it. I am going to cry buckets and buckets and buckets of tears. As if I don’t cry enough already!!!
And then, today, I realized that my younger one didn’t receive a Pell Grant for school, unless (hopefully) it got lost in the mail or somehow was overlooked. I’m checking into that, but if she didn’t get the grant, then that is more money out of my little bitty paycheck. Because I’m pretty sure that my husband won’t help pay for her college.
So, anyhow, this August is turning out to be not very good, either.