Double standard

So, why is it that when I am asked to do something, anything, it is expected that I take care of it?  No questions asked.  Buy something, deliver something, call someone, sign something, wash something, iron something, fix something, be on time for something, find an answer about something.  Whatever.  BUT, if I make a request of him, there is no such obligation on his part to do what I ask?  And if I bring it up, well, then, I am being unfair, I’m being picky, I’m asking too much.  He gets mad, sulky, grouchy.   And if I don’t do something he thinks I should, when he thinks I should, then he pouts and slams doors.  (Spoiled little boy syndrome?)  And yet it is “OK” if he doesn’t do what I would like him to do.

The rest of this too-long post is just a rant about the final chapter –hopefully!-of giving the car to our daughter,  K.

Months ago, I asked him about giving or selling K the car to take to college.  Months.  (I’ve written about this in several different posts: not selling, car crazy, car update.)  So, finally, on Wednesday, we were going to meet at our bank to get the title transferred to her.  My daughter and I are at the bank and I get a text from him saying that he can’t make it, that his dad isn’t doing too well.  Then about five minutes later, I get another text saying he has to take his dad to the hospital and he wants me stay with his mom.  So, I stay with his mom for about three and half hours.  We were going to meet again the next evening (last evening), but then later in the afternoon I get a text from him saying he has to take his dad to the hospital again.  So, once again, no signing the title.

I am not uncaring.  I feel for his mom (she has cancer).  I am sorry his dad is in pain.  I know life has emergencies.  But I have tried to get him to get this done for months.  I know his mom didn’t plan to have cancer. I know his dad didn’t plan to have this unexplained pain.  But how convenient for him.  And how come I can be expected to help him out with any thing at any point, but I can’t rely on him for the same courtesy???

Finally, this morning, we meet where I work, because there is a notary here.  Initially when I suggested we use the notary here, he wouldn’t.  This morning he gets here a little after nine.  I told him that I thought he said they (he and my daughter) were leaving at nine.  He said, oh, yeah, that’s right.  Well, since my daughter wasn’t here yet, he wanted to leave and go call on one of his customers.  I finally convinced him that it would take longer than fifteen minutes to do that, so he went outside to make phone calls.  But before he goes out, he says, I just hope she is on time.  Really?

Anyhow, the title has been signed and stamped.  Now I just have to take it to the license office to get the title transferred.  And hopefully that will be the end of the ridiculous saga of giving a car to our daughter.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Double standard

  1. tt says:

    I have been told for years that I have double standards…. and that I compare apples to oranges…. When all the time I have always felt it was exactly the opposite… HE has ver y pa double standards much like what you were explaining) and he PA’ly compares apples to oranges.. I have suffered long enough… I will live my life… even if he is under the same roof.. I will exist as if he does not… I have made up mind…. I have chose not to look at him the way he never wants to look at me, and I will not speak to him the same way I have always been giving the silent treatment…and I will come and go when I feel like it without regard to his wish as he has always done. I will work very hard to never ever feel guilty again, as he has brought 99% of this on himself….. mostly because of his failure to communicate with me and work through our difference. I may be stubborn and hard headed sometimes, but I do always wish that we could talk about our issues…. HE REFUSES!…. so with that – I give up!…. YOLO! (you only live once) so therefore, I choose life!

  2. Karen says:

    It’s like reading my journal or something, here…, what you’ve done is exactly what I do.

  3. It’s all just insanity!!! Detachment really is the healthiest way to handle passive aggressive behavior. And the more detached you can be, the better!!! Sometimes I even think about stopping blogging because I wonder if it is keeping me “attached.”

  4. Sue says:

    I am detached and I didn’t even know why I was detaching. Emotionally exhausted I think. Now I know it’s because I am playing a game I will never win because the rules are always changing.

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