The (continuing) saga of the A/C

About a month ago, the blower in the air conditioning system started sounding loud and rough, like it was about to wear out.  I told my husband about it (even though he can hear, too) and he said he would check on it after dinner.

Did he?


When the electric bill came, he complained about how high it was and said his parent’s electric bill was half what ours was.  I told him that his parent’s A/C system was much newer than ours and that if ours was wearing out, it certainly wouldn’t be using electricity efficiently.

And my house started smelling horrible.  I had recently put stuff in the drain pan under the coils to help control the mold growth and the smell and I kept waiting for it to kick in and get rid of the smell.  But it didn’t.

I kept telling myself I needed to go under the house and check for a hole in the ducts that would be letting in the nasty air that grows under the house, but with my new job and getting my daughters set for college, I didn’t get it done.

Finally, one night last week, even though I was so tired I couldn’t stand it, I was going to go under the house and look at the duct work.  My husband told me he would do it the next day.

The next day, he told me he looked but didn’t find anything that would be letting the bad air into the system.   Meanwhile, the house still smelled horrible.

So yesterday, I went under the house.  I took tools so I could look at the motor and vinegar to put into drain pan.

I have to tell you…  I hate going under the house.  It’s just icky.   At least the ground is covered with thick plastic sheeting that I bought and my brother helped me put down a few years ago.  But I still do not like going under there.

And when I was getting ready to go under the house, I was thinking…  I am glad that I am capable enough to look after things like this, but I wish that he would be my hero and either do it himself or make enough money to hire someone to do it.

I crawled back to the air conditioning unit and what did I find?

The door had fallen off the unit.

That was why the whole house smelled so moldy.  A gaping hole was letting in the crawl space air and the blower fan was blowing it into the house.

I looked at the motor but didn’t take it apart.  I decided  that was probably beyond me, that I would need to call an A/C guy to fix it.  But the blades spun smoothly and the wiring didn’t look old or worn.  I don’t know about these things, but it didn’t look like it was in bad shape.

I put the door back on the unit and put the vinegar in the drain pan.  I came back out into the real world and turned back on the electricity to the A/C system.

Guess what.

The blower sounded normal.

I asked my husband if the door was off the unit when he went down there.  He said he didn’t notice.  How can you inspect the A/C system for holes in the ducts and not notice that the door is off???  Granted, you have to wriggle on your belly under one of the large sheet metal ducts to actually get to the A/C unit, but I guess that was just too much for him to do.

He asked me if I had duct taped the door closed and I told him that I hadn’t taken duct tape down with me.  He said he would do it tomorrow.  What?  Like he checked on the blower?  Like he looked for a hole in the ducts?  I told him not to worry about it; that I would do it.

Oh, he did tell me thank you for taking care of the problem.  I guess it is a lot easier for him to thank me for fixing it than to actually fix it himself.

Anyhow, now the blower sounds like it is supposed to, the electric bill should be a little lower, and my house no longer stinks.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to The (continuing) saga of the A/C

  1. Good you solved your shit yourself!
    I’m proud of you for one (that sounds odd but it’s true) because you do so much for yourself. I mean, you say you’re codependent, but actually you are one of the most self-reliant people I know. Not only do you do everything on your own, you also cope with an asshole that only rubs in how lonely you actually are! Be proud that you don’t need him for anything.

    • K says:

      I agree! Good for you! The positive out of this is independence. You’re being prepared for total independence! I’m in the same place. I can do so much because he does so little. it’s maddening that they cannot man up and do something!

  2. Tending Weeds says:

    mine used to make me crawl under the house to change the filter. when he was doing it, he didn’t think it ever looked dirty enough so he stopped. I was pregnant, but I started doing it because it was required in our lease.
    quantumphysica hit it on the head-you are a rock star problem solver & will conquer anything you set out to do. if the day comes & you decide to leave, you should be confident in your skills.

  3. :( says:

    Did you always know he was PA? You see I have been married 32 years and just found out that there was a label for this behavior and I am not crazy? Pretty sad if you ask me :(

    • No, I didn’t always know he was PA. For a LONG time, like almost 20 years, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it did make me crazy. I only found out about PA about 4 years ago. And yes, it is pretty sad. Very, very sad. :(

  4. anonyman says:

    i feel for you. it’s clear you feel stuck, frustrated, angry, and sad. i’m male. i was married for 21 yrs, before it ended three years ago. my ex-wife left because she “didn’t feel supported” and wanted to “move on, learn yoga near the Indian Sea” (never mind that she’d never attended a yoga class). it’s a disclosure only as context. i don’t think i’m passive-aggressive nor do i think i’m narcissistic in the sense that i lack an ability to feel and have empahty. we attended couples talk theraphy, which came to a halt as soon as the counselor started asking my ex-wife about her drinking habits. my college-age daughter and i have a great relationship, while daughter and her mother have something that’s tenuous and cautious. fast forward and i’m now heading to the altar with someone new and now getting cold feet — especially after poring over some of your posts. at this point, i have fears simply for being male. i listen, i care, i adore, i’m at-the-ready for any favors and what-nots, but — in the back on my mind — i wonder if “being supportive” is something elusive. i’ve already heard this from my fiancee: “i sometimes don’t feel supported.” uh oh. (red flag! post trauma!) am i ever a good enough to make my fiancee feel like she wants to feel? anyway, no need to respond. if anything, maybe consider my abridged rant as fodder for a future post. and the last thing i want is for this to sound like “poor me.” rather, it’s from a reader who wonders if he needs to keep biting his lip and accept the notion that women are emotionally needy.

    • Thank you for your comment! I appreciate your openess and you are quite welcome to rant here any time you like! :} And I don’t think you sound like “poor me.” I do have some thoughts for you and I would like to put them into a post, so check back in a day or two. :} Thanks!

  5. Catherine Todd says:

    quantum… wrote “you say you’re codependent, but actually you are one of the most self-reliant people I know. ”

    That is the definition of a co-dependent! We are so incredibly capable and independent and can and will take care of anything and everyone BUT our selves. Why? I don’t know. I was raised this way and it was pounded into me, physically mentally and emotionally every day of my life. My husband picked up right where my family left off. And before he showed up, I trained myself. I never graduated from that horrible boot camp “do unto others” and never do for your Self.

    When will I learn? To put my Self on the list, and at the top at least once a year?


    Sounds good to me.This blog is just killing me, because every single story could be my story, even to checking (not checking) on the A.C. Yes, over the years, he will check on things now and replace filters and more, even when he knows I’m coming back for my health, but then BOOM! Here comes another doozy, just when I’ve been so easily lulled into complacency and a miguided sense of TRUST.

    So I am waking up and opening my eyes. I don’t need to keep myself on a leash any longer and take my selfout for a walk. My Self doesn’t require permission from ANYONE, least of all my jailer,my controller.

    I don’t need permission from him any longer.I AM FREE to do as I please, and that’s the definition of being a grown-up. Time me to grow up and care for MY SELF.

    And I will! Thank you so much for this blog and these comments… they are a life saver. You have no idea! (or maybe you of all people do!) God bless… and Big Hugs. CT

    • Thank you! This is hard to live and hard to write, but if my blog has helped you or encouraged you, then I am so glad. You are so right about being codependent – we take care of everything and everyone but ourselves. At least I can see it now and can work on taking better care of myself. I still have such a long way to go, though! Thank you so much for your comment! :}

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