Thank you for your comment on a previous post. I appreciate your honesty.
Don’t be afraid for being male! Throughout my whole life, my favorite people have been male. I hope my blog does not come across as male-bashing because I do not intend that at all.
I don’t know if you like to read, but if you do (or even if you don’t), there are some really good books out there that I would recommend. If you read just one, I would suggest “His Needs Her Needs.” We each have needs (needs, not wants) in a relationship and this book goes through each of them. Another good book is “The 5 Love Languages.” This one describes learning to understand what is meaningful to your partner, so you can “speak” to her (or him) in a way that is meaningful to her (or him). “How We Love” is also a good one for understanding “where the other person is coming from.” And a book to read just for yourself is “Your Ex Factor.” Actually, maybe that would be a good one to start with!
Have you attended couples’ counseling with your fiancee? Maybe that could bring out issues ahead of time so they don’t escalate in the future. If I might, I would also suggest that you personally attend Al-Anon since your ex-wife was alcoholic. That could make a huge difference for you and for your future relationship(s).
How does your fiancee define “feeling supported”?
Here’s a thought for you: maybe you are dating the same kind of woman all over again. We tend to stick with what we are comfortable with, with what we know, not necessarily doing what is healthy for us. One of my big fears for myself is that if I am ever free from this marriage that I will end up again with a man who is unhealthy because I haven’t gotten healthy enough to stay away from unhealthy men!
Are all women emotionally needy? All women (and men, for that matter) have emotional needs. But I don’t think all women are emotionally needy. I think the healthiest, happiest relationships come from each person being healthy and whole and mature.
I don’t need a man to be perfect. I want a man to be whole-heartedly giving to me and to our relationship, just as I would whole-heartedly give to him and to our relationship. I would want to know that I truly am the most important person in his life, that I can trust him. I don’t expect that there would never be problems. I would just expect that he would be willing to work on the problems with me, doing whatever needs to be done over time to reach solutions. I would want him to be mature and address the things he needs to address in his life just like I need to address the things I need to address in my life. For example, I have had to face the fact that I am co-dependent. My husband, on the other hand, will not even remotely consider the mere possibility that he could maybe be passive aggressive.
Thank you again for your comment. When I first started reading it, I was happy for you that you found someone special, because I am very romantic, and I love happy endings. However, if you have doubts, please be very careful. The doubts are probably there for a good reason. But I do hope you will have a happy ending.