I feel angry, frustrated, hurt.
He’s “nice.” Then he’s mean.
But if I tell him that he hurts me, he says he tries very hard to be nice to me and says that he loves me.
I hate it. I hate it. I wish he would just go away and leave me along. Just stop.
I often ask myself when the pain will stop.
And then I tell myself, the pain will stop when you take your hand off of the hot stove.
Yes, I know I have to leave. He won’t change. I can only do what I can do for myself. I know that and I would tell that to anyone who asks.
But at the moment, this is the only place I have to live. I am working towards leaving. Trust me. I am.
I still have to be here for now, though. And it still hurts when he doesn’t stand in the gap and be a man.
I should know better, but somehow I always forget. Maybe wishful thinking. Maybe because he seems to have a calm, pleasant personality. I don’t know why I always get duped into thinking that somehow he will be kind and understanding and loving and helpful this time.