just venting

I feel angry, frustrated, hurt.

He’s “nice.”  Then he’s mean.

But if I tell him that he hurts me, he says he tries very hard to be nice to me and says that he loves me.

I hate it.  I hate it.  I wish he would just go away and leave me along.  Just stop.

I often ask myself when the pain will stop.

And then I tell myself, the pain will stop when you take your hand off of the hot stove.

Yes, I know I have to leave.  He won’t change.  I can only do what I can do for myself.  I know that and I would tell that to anyone who asks.

But at the moment, this is the only place I have to live.  I am working towards leaving.  Trust me.  I am.

I still have to be here for now, though.  And it still hurts when he doesn’t stand in the gap and be a man.

I should know better, but somehow I always forget.  Maybe wishful thinking.  Maybe because he seems to have a calm, pleasant personality.  I don’t know why I always get duped into thinking that somehow he will be kind and understanding and loving and helpful this time.

Whatever.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to just venting

  1. You should also know that what you’re dealing with is a from of abuse. If you call your local domestic abuse center they may be able to help you move the process along quicker…the one in my area also helped me with free legal advice from the lawyer they had on staff.
    Stay strong, it won’t last forever :)

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