Well, evidently, I am a prima donna.
I expect to have my every need, want, wish, and whim fulfilled instantaneously from a vast and deep reservoir of wealth. I do nothing to contribute to the relationship and I expect him to do everything.
So, how did this come up?
This morning he asked me if I wanted to make love. (O.K., that’s a whole ‘nother topic I won’t go into at the moment.)
I told him no and he asked me if I was sure and I said, yes, I was sure. He asked me why. I told him that I didn’t feel close to him, that there were things in the relationship that hurt me very much, that I feel terrible when we have sex.
He said he loves me very much and tries to be nice to me. He said he rubbed my feet for a long time last night.
I told him that he wouldn’t address bigger things that need to be addressed. He said, like what?
I said that he wouldn’t go to counseling and that I didn’t feel financially secure. I wanted to say something about him being passive aggressive, but I didn’t.
Well, this set off a very long commentary of everything that I do wrong.
I yelled at him after the last time we went to a counseling session. He has to do everything. I do nothing. I have a job but I don’t pay for anything. It’s unreasonable that I would want him to provide cars for our daughters. They didn’t work and he works his butt off. I don’t touch him even though he told me that touch is his love language. He just gets one hug a day when he goes off to work. I have thousands of dollars worth of pots in the yard, but he doesn’t want to criticize my garden. He has washed the dishes a couple of time since our older daughter left for college, but that he can’t do everything. He tries to talk to me but I put up walls. He took my canoeing but I didn’t want to go again. I expect to have my every need, want, wish, and whim fulfilled instantaneously from a vast and deep reservoir of wealth. I want to be rescued and not have to do anything. I do nothing to contribute to the relationship and I expect him to do everything. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
I didn’t say anything in response to everything he said. I wanted to, but it would have only escalated into an argument and I saw no point in that. If I thought there was any way we could have discussed these things and worked them out, I would have.
I could write a whole lot in my defense, but this post isn’t about my self-justification. Maybe the next one will be.
However, I found out what I wanted to know.
Last night, I was wondering if maybe the marriage could be better, could be fixed. He has helped with the dishes some. He took out the trash a couple of times. He rubbed my feet. There hasn’t been much P.A. stuff for the past couple of weeks. So I was wondering, maybe it could be a trend for good. And I was wondering if maybe I brought up more serious issues, we would be able to discuss them. Maybe he would be willing for us to go to counseling again.
Guess I have my answer.