Prima donna

Well, evidently, I am a prima donna.

I expect to have my every need, want, wish, and whim fulfilled instantaneously from a vast and deep reservoir of wealth.  I do nothing to contribute to the relationship and I expect him to do everything.

So, how did this come up?

This morning he asked me if I wanted to make love.  (O.K., that’s a whole ‘nother topic I won’t go into at the moment.)

I told him no and he asked me if I was sure and I said, yes, I was sure.  He asked me why.  I told him that I didn’t feel close to him, that there were things in the relationship that hurt me very much, that I feel terrible when we have sex.

He said he loves me very much and tries to be nice to me.  He said he rubbed my feet for a long time last night.

I told him that he wouldn’t address bigger things that need to be addressed.  He said, like what?

I said that he wouldn’t go to counseling and that I didn’t feel financially secure.  I wanted to say something about him being passive aggressive, but I didn’t.

Well, this set off a very long commentary of everything that I do wrong.

I yelled at him after the last time we went to a counseling session. He has to do everything.  I do nothing. I have a job but I don’t pay for anything.  It’s unreasonable that I would want him to provide cars for our daughters.  They didn’t work and he works his butt off. I don’t touch him even though he told me that touch is his love language.  He just gets one hug a day when he goes off to work.  I have thousands of dollars worth of pots in the yard, but he doesn’t want to criticize my garden.  He has washed the dishes a couple of time since our older daughter left for college, but that he can’t do everything.  He tries to talk to me but I put up walls. He took my canoeing but I didn’t want to go again.  I expect to have my every need, want, wish, and whim fulfilled instantaneously from a vast and deep reservoir of wealth.  I want to be rescued and not have to do anything.  I do nothing to contribute to the relationship and I expect him to do everything. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I didn’t say anything in response to everything he said.  I wanted to, but it would have only escalated into an argument and I saw no point in that.  If I thought there was any way we could have discussed these things and worked them out, I would have.

I could write a whole lot in my defense, but this post isn’t about my self-justification.  Maybe the next one will be.

However, I found out what I wanted to know.

Last night, I was wondering if maybe the marriage could be better, could be fixed.  He has helped with the dishes some.  He took out the trash a couple of times.  He rubbed my feet.  There hasn’t been much P.A. stuff for the past couple of weeks.  So I was wondering, maybe it could be a trend for good.  And I was wondering if maybe I brought up more serious issues, we would be able to discuss them.   Maybe he would be willing for us to go to counseling again.

Guess I have my answer.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Prima donna

  1. tjh67 says:

    Ouch. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. My bf and I have been together for ten years, and sometimes we get into these terrible “funks” that I can’t stand. And, of course, I pull away, he pulls away….etc… Anyways, just wanted you to know that I can understand your frustrations. And I hope, that it gets better for you. :)

  2. lookingforward2012 says:

    I think you’ve had your answer for a while now. I know that I would hang onto every tiny positive thing and hope that it would somehow get better. It doesn’t. It won’t. Touch is his language of love, yeah, I’ve heard that over and over. It basically boils down to ‘show me you love me how I tell you to.’
    His time will come. In the meantime …well, you have your answer. Keep your chin up!

  3. Allie says:

    Hey there. Just a little thing to think about. When I read your post about Prima Donna it sounded like he was pointing or fingering the blame all on you. Isint that what Passive Aggressive behavior boils down to? Not accepting or seeing their behavior. Sounds like you have put yourself out there in trying to repair your relationship yet he tries once and figures if once doesn’t fix it then he is blameless. I know. I live with his brother. Well not really but my PA husband acts identically. You are strong. You were not created to be treated this way and for your sake I hope you find peace and joy during the trying times. You friend in Minnesota.

    • Yes, you are right. That is what PA is all about – not taking responsibility. I’m working on the peace part! :} Thank you so much! And, no, we were not created to be treated this way. And yet, one way or another, we allow it.

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