I said in my previous post that I might write a post of self-justification.
But there really is no point. His words were unjust. Untrue. They hurt me deeply.
I am not guiltless. I have spent too much money. Although, I do NOT have thousands of dollars worth of pots in my garden. Not even close. It is true that my daughters did not have jobs. I would do that differently if I were to do it all over again. And, yes, I rarely touch him.
So much of what he accused me of is simply not the case. But I am too tired of it all to spell everything out yet again. I have already written so much of it various places on my blog.
I do want to say, though, that I really don’t know what else he wants me to pay for, unless it is my own food and my own electricity. I already pay for my gasoline, my clothes, my shoes, the car for my daughter and its insurance. My company pays for my health insurance, but I am paying for my daughters’ health insurance and will have to pay the deductible and the office visit costs. We own the house, so there is no mortgage or rent. So, really, except for my food and electricity, I am just about paying everything for myself. My daughters have gone to school on Pell Grants and my older one has a loan and a job, so he isn’t paying a dime for our daughters. I don’t know. It is all so unjust.
The message my brain heard from him yesterday was: I don’t want to take care of you. You are not important to me. Your needs and desires are not worth my attention.
I feel so insane. I cannot think straight today.
In the movie “X-Men: First Class,” there is a scene where Sebastian Shaw hurls energy at Darwin. Darwin’s mutant power is that he adapts to whatever situation he is in. So, Darwin tried to adapt to the energy that was hurled at him. It was too much for him and, in trying to adapt, to absorb the energy, it killed him. I feel like that. I feel like I am trying to adapt, trying to absorb what is being hurled at me and it is destroying me.