him: I think we should have sex.
him: Because we should, because it’s good for us, because we’re supposed to, and you’re my wife.
me: It makes me cry, it hurts me so much, it makes me want to die
him: But I love you and I’m horny.
At this point, I got his message: “My need is greater than your pain.”
I realized, too, that this is also the message that I have given him all these years:
“Your need is greater than my pain.”
So every time I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to ripple the calm waters of his world by the tsunamis of my world, I was actually saying, your need is greater than my pain.
Every time I “fixed” something that was actually his responsibility, I was saying, your need is greater than my pain.
Every time I gave in to his pouts and whines and covert demands, I was saying, your need is greater than my pain.
Can you say, “codependent”?