I am struggling with this. So much.
There hasn’t been conflict at home for the past little bit and he has done stuff like take out the trash and take me out to dinner and loan me his pocket knife so I could strip the wire to replace the light switch in the ceiling fan. And so, once again, I have started thinking that maybe I can live with the emptiness. Maybe my job will get busier and maybe that will be enough.
But then I start craving adoration and fun and emotional and physical intimacy and I start feeling crazy for wanting the attention, the love, and thinking that maybe I am somehow wrong to want these things.
And I am afraid of seeking attention elsewhere ~ afraid to do it (because I fear rejection), afraid that I will do it (because I believe it is wrong while I am married).
I try to be good. Really, I do. But sometimes, these things are such a hunger, such a need, that I feel crazy. And then I beat myself up because I want these things and somehow feel that just because they are not being met, that I shouldn’t want them.
And it just makes me insane!!!