needing love, needing attention

I am struggling with this.  So much.

There hasn’t been conflict at home for the past little bit and he has done stuff like take out the trash and take me out to dinner and loan me his pocket knife so I could strip the wire to replace the light switch in the ceiling fan.  And so, once again, I have started thinking that maybe I can live with the emptiness.  Maybe my job will get busier and maybe that will be enough.

But then I start craving adoration and fun and emotional and physical intimacy and I start feeling crazy for wanting the attention, the love, and thinking that maybe I am somehow wrong to want these things.

And I am afraid of seeking attention elsewhere ~ afraid to do it (because I fear rejection), afraid that I will do it (because I believe it is wrong while I am married).

I try to be good.  Really, I do.  But sometimes, these things are such a hunger, such a need, that I feel crazy.  And then I beat myself up because I want these things and somehow feel that just because they are not being met, that I shouldn’t want them.

And it just makes me insane!!!

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to needing love, needing attention

  1. You can live with the emptiness, you’ve been doing that for a long time now. Its not what you want though. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. Hang in there. It gets easier!

  2. by staying, you are slowly killing every emotion you have.
    Why would you WANT to live with the emptiness? Because you fear the unknown? The what could be’s? Listen to your own words in your writing. The answer is right in front of you.
    Besides, we all know – things may change but only for a little while.

    Keep pressing on. You’ll get where you need to be.

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