I feel empty.
As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I am reading The Flying Boy by John Lee. In this book, he tells about his love for Laurel. But Laurel left him because he was hurting her. John feel so much pain about this and he wants Laurel back. He asks his dad what to do. His dad tells him, basically, love her enough to let her go. By the way, Laurel loves John, too, but she loves him – and herself – enough to leave him, so he will have to face what he needs to face.
Thursday night I went to a work shop about Finding Happiness. One thing the presenter spoke about was that fifty percent of happiness is a genetic set-point, forty percent of happiness is the decision to be happy, and ten percent of happiness is based on money, job, heath, and relationships.
But she also said that a big part of happiness is being part of a community, about having loving, supporting, encouraging relationships.
As part of my goal to live intentionally, I have been thinking about, or trying to think about, what is important to me. And I feel lost. I’m not sure. I know what used to be important to me – you know, being a good wife, being a good mother, being a good homemaker, being a good Christian – but somehow, while in a way those are important to me, somehow my life has shifted and I don’t know anymore. My daughters are grown and while I am still Mommie, it’s not the same as while I was raising them. Being a good wife did not make a good marriage. My house is falling apart so I kinda wonder what the point is in trying to make it pretty. And I’m not sure where I stand with God.
So this morning I feel empty. And all these thoughts fill my brain. I want love and joy and peace. But those seem so lacking in my life and I am not sure…. I’m just not sure.
I know these may seem like random thoughts, but somehow they are swirling around in my mind together and I think there is a connection somewhere.
I want my life to be different, but each day my life is the same. Same thoughts, same actions. I think I want something to change for me, rather than having to change it for myself.
So where do I go from here?