I was going to ask my brother this, even though I have asked him before. But instead of burdening him, yet again, I am going to ask it here.
Am I in an abusive relationship????
I read a post titled “Are You Sabotaging Yourself?” Boy, it sure did hit home! It just about had me in tears. It was like the post was written specifically for me.
She writes that shame is at the root of self-sabotage and that to break free of the shame, self-sabotage, shame, self-sabotage cycle, you have to act as if you are worthy. She says to ask yourself, “What would a confident person who is full of self-love do in this situation?… …. Stay in abusive relationship? Not likely.” And she has a whole list of actions, reactions.
So I find myself sitting here, doing some of the unhealthy things on her list, like, um, eating bunches of chocolate chips ~ although she lists eating a whole box of donuts, it’s the same thing ~ and again questioning if I am in an abusive relationship or “merely” in an empty relationship with me being selfish and co-dependent. (She lists co-dependence as a form of self-sabotage.)
Yes, the name of my blog is Passive Aggressive Abuse, and in numerous sources I have read that anger, including passive aggression, which is anger, destroys relationships.
So why am I doubting whether or not this is an abusive relationships? Because there are no physical bruises? Because there are no violent words? About.com lists passive aggressive behavior as covert abuse. Maybe that is why I am doubting again. Because of the covert part.
Why do I think in circles like this? Why do I go from, yes, this is a bad relationship, (but is it abusive?) to no, I’m just crazy, wanting too much, back to yes, this is a bad relationship? Back to, I’m crazy!
But am I in an abusive relationship?
And why do I keep sabotaging myself?