well….

I’ve written several posts about this man at work who used to wink at me sometimes when he went by my desk and then about him not winking and seeming to avoid me.  (You can read the posts here if you want:  first, second, third, fourth, fifth.)

For one thing, this made me feel really stupid for liking to be winked at in the first place.  And, yes, I realize that is an irrational reaction.

And for another, I then felt bad that I contributed to a situation – by smiling back – that then seemingly became uncomfortable for him.

Codependent as it may be, I felt miserable about the whole thing, from liking the winks, to feeling like it made him uncomfortable, to then being in a situation with a co-worker completely ignoring me.  Not that I have to be the center of attention.  It’s just that this is not the way I wanted it to be.  I like being friends with my co-workers since we see each other off and on all day long every day.  I didn’t want an uncomfortable situation to just last and last.

So instead of letting myself withdraw outwardly (as I did inwardly), I continued to say hi if I saw him, as I always did, as I always do with all my co-workers.  To just be my friendly self as if there was no uncomfortableness at all.

A few minutes ago, he walked by and actually looked at me so I asked him how he liked the snow we received last night.   He stood there and talked to me for a few minutes about snow and skiing and stuff.  I was glad.

I didn’t let my heart beat faster, but I am very glad that he didn’t seem to mind being friendly for a minute.  Now, I have to be sure not to let myself get silly over this anymore.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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