no heat

So, last night when I got home, the house was cold.  I went to adjust the thermostat, but nothing happened.  I went outside and flipped the circuit breaker for the heating and air system and came in and tried it again.  Nothing. 

I told my husband that the heat wasn’t working.  He went outside and flipped the breaker.  Still nothing.

Oh, I should tell you, when I came in last night, I locked the door behind me.  As usual.  My husband came in a few minutes later and then was upset at me for locking the door.

So, after I told my husband the heat wasn’t working, I put a store-bought pizza in the oven and went to change my clothes and use the bathroom and check my email.

I came into the kitchen and he had taken the pizza out of the oven but it was burnt.  He said the timer had rung and he had taken out the pizza.  I told him, gently, that he could have taken out the pizza before the timer rang since it was burning.  He said that I didn’t like people messing with what I was cooking.  So we had burnt pizza for dinner.  I’m just wondering if it was payback for locking the door.

I asked him about the heat not working.  He said the circuit breaker was broken.  I asked what we were going to do.  He said, fix the circuit breaker.  I’m thinking – when, how, how much, etc., but he is not saying anything so I just looked at him.  Then he said his dad was looking to see if he had a breaker and he would come over and replace it.

About an hour later, that was accomplished.

Several weeks ago, a different circuit breaker had to be replaced so I suggested to him that maybe we should see about having all the circuit breakers replaced instead of waiting for them to wear out, one by one.  He said he didn’t know.

We have a chest freezer in a shed out in the yard and the chest freezer is on the same circuit with the heating and air.  Apparently there was a short in the electrical line that ran to the freezer.  I guess they disconnected that line.  I asked him if he was going to replace that electrical line tomorrow (meaning today) and he was quiet for a minute.

Then very slowly he said, I could, but I was going to move the freezer to the shop.

The “shop” is on his parents’ property, where my husband runs his business.  It is within walking distance, but it is not close, like the shed in the back yard.  I wanted to scream, but I didn’t.  He said it was expensive to replace the electrical wire.  So later I asked him if he couldn’t use some money from the emergency fund to replace the wire.

This morning I told him that I didn’t want the freezer move and that I wanted the wire fixed.  I told him I thought that made more sense.  He said he would replace the wire. 

I see lots of passivity in all of this.  And passive aggressive behavior, too.  And I see my impatience and wanting things fixed and fixed right now.  Not a good mix, right? I was patient and gentle in the way that spoke to him, but I also made sure to say what I wanted say and to state what I wanted.

At least it was cold enough yesterday and last night that the food in the freezer wouldn’t thaw.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to no heat

  1. Sofia Leo says:

    Situations like this are why I bought my own tools and learned to Google the mysteries of electrical magic and other household mysteries. The men want us to believe that it’s some sort of secret knowledge and we must rely upon them, but you know what? It ain’t Rocket Science and it’s very empowering to get out the electric drill and just start taking shit apart. But be warned – if you decide to embark upon this path, you may find yourself really, really pissed off when you discover how simple it is and how little time it takes… :-)

    • Hi, Sofia, I do most of the home improvement / repairs around the house, believe me!!! And the ones I haven’t done, someone other than my husband has done: my father-in-law, my brother, my brother-in-law. Anyone but him… Oh, and I do have most of my own tools, too. :}

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