My biggest problem is that I feel like God hates me.
One time, Julie the therapist told me, “A loving God wants good things for you.”
I don’t see that. I feel like that if I left my husband and married another man that God would curse me. Of course, I feel cursed already.
I feel like I see God as passive aggressive: uncaring and vindictive.
I cry out to Him every day, but I think He doesn’t really care. He seems so silent. And I feel like the things that I want – mostly a man to love me, and a little bit of money, and a pretty house to live in – God doesn’t want me to have.
I wish I could believe what Julie the therapist told me. I wish so badly that it was so, that a loving God does want good things for me.