It’s raining because I am sad.
I’m only a little sad, though. Not a lot sad. Not deep, dark, rolling waves of black depression sad. Just a little sad.
This afternoon I was thinking that I really didn’t want to be in this situation. I didn’t want to have to be contemplating leaving my husband. I was thinking I wanted to be able to just stay with him. I want it to be all ok in my marriage with him.
But then, I reached down even deeper, and realized that, way, way deep down inside, I really do want to be free from all of of this. I don’t want this “fixed.” I don’t want it “better.” I want it all over with.
Done. Gone. Finished.
And then I thought, too, it really is hard facing reality.
I can blog about all that goes on (obviously), but at the end of the day, even though I write about it all the time, I often have a difficult time grasping that this really is me, that this really is my life, .
Does that make sense?