my weight

I was on the local news this evening.  Another lady and I were being interviewed about Go Red For Women and that is an important message to get out!   It was a good opportunity to spread the word about women’s heart health.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I looked so fat.

I’ve been wanting to do a post about my weight and I guess now is the time.

I need to lose thirty pounds.  And it shows.

I use food to stuff my emotions instead of expressing them.  I use food to comfort myself since I feel I have no other comfort.  I’ve said that chocolate is my lover, since I don’t actually have a lover.

I eat too much.  And I have a few other things going against me, too.  One is genetics.  Another is the beginning of the hormone changes that come with my age.  And I KNOW stress plays a factor in my weight.

And I have a round face anyway.

I also have breasts.  And a woman with larger breasts is going to look larger overall than a woman of the same size with smaller breasts.  I’m a D cup, so I’m not massive, but I’m also not tiny.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not complaining about my breasts.  I have great breasts.  I’m just saying, they add a little bulk.

Another thing is the shirt I wore.  I only have one red shirt and while it is not terrible, it is not the most flattering style on me.   (I wore red for Go Red For Women.)  I have a shorter neck and this was a shirt with a collar.  Not the best choice for a shorter neck.  Also it has two pleated pockets on the front, and while cute, they do add more instead of slimming.

I will be attending a huge Go Red event next month and I wish I had something new and red and flattering to wear.  I also wish I weighed less.  It’s still four weeks away so maybe I can find something different to wear.  (I did wear this shirt to another Go Red event – as if anyone is even going to remember.)  And maybe I can lose a couple pounds between now and then, too.

Anyhow, my weight often discourages me.  And, you know, this morning, when I was dressed to go to the interview (it was taped this morning), I looked in the mirror and was thinking that I was looking a little better, that maybe those hours at the gym were helping a little.

Guess not yet.  I guess I still eat way too much (I think I am going to start just eating applesauce for dinner) and I don’t do enough cardio.  I do cardio at home, usually running/walking, but often things get too busy and too stressful at home and I don’t go out and run like I need to.  So that has to change, too.  I have to run, regardless.

I’ve been battling my weight since I was about fifteen.  Isn’t it about time to just address the emotional stuff tied to this and be done with it already?

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to my weight

  1. I suggest to not focus on the negatives of how you looked that day to YOURSELF, but rather is the goal you set out to accomplish that morning was done? You being conscious of what you need to do to get to your goal weight is good, but this almost sound like you were hatefully bashing yourself. Like you stated it might be a good idea to address the emotional baggage so you can start this journey in a healthy way. Loving yourself and encouraging yourself is a good start…be blessed

    • I told myself over and over that it wasn’t about me; it was about letting other women know about their heart health.
      But it still hurt and I had to blog about it. :{ You are right – I was bashing myself. I do that way too often. I say things to me that I would never say, or even think, to other people. I’m trying to rewire those negetive thought patterns, but I still struggle so much with it. I’m trying to be more loving, more encouraging to myself, and sometimes I think I am getting better, but other days, well,…. Thank you for your encouragement.

      • Your certainly welcome, and from your tone in this message your certainly beautiful inside and that makes you beautiful all over…You were made in God’s image and likeness, embrace every part of your being. Be blessed

  2. K says:

    Be kind to yourself.

  3. nolongerhappy says:

    Don’t give up, you are going to the gym, that’s more than a lot of people do.

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