One morning last week, he was rummaging around in my bucket of gardening tools and I asked him what he was doing. He finally held up my long handled pruners.
I asked him again, what are you doing. He said, Don’t worry – I’m not doing anything in your yard. And he left.
I felt mad that he didn’t actually answer me so later I texted him and asked him, Why didn’t you just tell me what you were trimming?
He texted me back, A tree by my shop.
I texted, But why didn’t you just say that?
He answered back, I didn’t think you cared so long as it wasn’t in the yard.
(Can you see all the PA stuff in this whole exchange? – not telling me what’s going on, not giving a straight answer, still not giving a straight answer, then blaming me!)
And yesterday, I discovered the hose piled up on top of one of my flower beds. So, later, when he mentioned something about needing to get the riding lawn mower fixed, I said, Next time you mow, please don’t put the hose in the flower bed. He said, OK. Then he said, Was it actually on top of flowers? I said, Yes.
Then he told me, Well, it wasn’t actually me. It was Josh.
Anyhow, the conversation went on, but I don’t feel like writing all the I said, he said, so basically it boils down to this:
He had Josh come over and mow the lawn while he was working somewhere else where Josh wasn’t working with him. But he didn’t tell me that he was sending Josh over. (see post)
I got upset at this. Not that I necessarily mind Josh coming over and mowing the lawn. That didn’t bother me so much. (Although, it did a little, because I don’t really know Josh at all.) What bothered me was that he didn’t tell me what was going on.
I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said he didn’t think I cared.
What’s with this thinking that I don’t care? What is that all about?
So I thought about that for a little bit and here’s what I came with:
If he can say that I don’t care, then it justifies him not telling me what is going on, not telling me what he is doing.
So it’s just another passive aggressive, victim/blaming technique.