Julie, the therapist, said to visualize what my life would be like if I was living alone, so last night while I was making dinner, I was thinking what it would be like if it was just me.
I would still be making dinner. I would still be going to the store after work. I would still be doing laundry.
But the burden of the emptiness of the relationship wouldn’t be there. Like Julie, the therapist, said, I would be alone, but not ignored.
In thinking about my post from last night, I realized that my long list of things I had to do while he was soaking in the tub made me sound like a martyr.
I just wanted to tell you that I don’t mind making dinner. I don’t mind going to the store (usually). I don’t mind washing laundry or taking care of the cat. (Except I wish the cat was well so he didn’t need to be taken care of. But he’s getting better.) I don’t even mind if he (my husband, not the cat) soaks in the tub.
What I do mind is the lack of connection and the emotional emptiness in the relationship. What I do mind is the seemingly unfairness of responsibilities. What I do mind is that none of this can be addressed with him.