money issues

I have money issues.

I feel very protective of the money that I earn.

I feel uncared for when he doesn’t work.

I feel punched in the gut when he tells me what I have to pay for, how much I owe him.

Even though these feelings come from my personal history with money, I also feel like he uses money and these feelings about money as a weapon against me.

It happened again last night. 

I came home happy and cheerful because I had a couple good things in my day.  

One I’ll tell you about in another post.

And the other, as silly as it may seem, was the fact that the little gym that I work out at now sells T-shirts with the gym logo and name on it.  I was wishing the owner would offer T-shirts and now he does.  So I was excited about this T-shirt.

I told him about these things that made me feel happy.

But then later, he said, I need to talk to you about a few things.  And he pulled out the credit card bill and started naming things he expected me to pay him back for.

I guess I should have known better and not even put these things on the “family” credit card.  I should have just paid for them in the first place and not even given him the occasion.

I went to sleep feeling like I was being punished for having a good day.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to money issues

  1. OneDayAtaTime says:

    When I am feeling lost I read this at times.
    and this at times.

    Keep up the good work, keep up with the time you invest in you, keep up the attention you have been giving yourself and my best hope has been the quotes above and (anybody) at times can not do a dag on thing about some of the things they would like to work on in their life. So work on the things you can work on and look at it like God has given me this time to work on the things I can work on. If someone can’t work on the things that make us “absolutely mad” move on to the things you can. (In the sole we all know in reality what we can and can’t work on and it’s a “sign of bad behavior” when “codependents work on things that has nothing to do with us.) That is the hard thing… to figure out between the things we can “really do now” and shouldn’t be “working on right now.”

    My therapist says, “if you go to a meeting and all you hear is complaining, complaining, and complaining”. It’s a war story co-dependent meeting, alcoholic meeting, any kind of meeting but it is a sign your in a “bad” meeting. People should talk about their “for instance things” then after say what they are doing about it.” She said, “that’s a good meeting when you go and you learn.” She also keeps saying, “it didn’t take a week to get here and it isn’t going to take a week to get out of this either.”

    Keep up the good work, your on the tracks just keep trucking and something is bound to start adding up. Just remember there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with you!

    My worst was: The question? Where is God in line on my priority pole. After we talked for awhile…. it was my husband, my husband, my husband. That was a eye opener. Now I am in the process making God first and I have found how things wouldn’t be so screwed up in the first place if God was first in the first place in my life. (I truly thought he was, boy I did, but I found that I did compromise.) Then if I would of followed through with the answers that I knew in the first place was right. Well anyways, Now I am working on why I was so weak not to do the things I needed to do back then. Why I let something’s go down when in fact I knew I was getting the short end of the stick. Why did I put certain people first. These are all the thing I can work on now…. so I don’t mess up again or at least see it when it comes back in anyway I can have a different out come that I can be proud of that I can say that is what I stand for. That I can say, “NO! that is not what I want for myself!”

    Good Luck with yourself, I am rooting for you!!!! Keep up your good work!

    • Hi! Thank you for your comment! I read Melody Beattie a LOT! She always seems to have the “right” thing to say! I continually ask myself if I am “working” on something that I can’t change or on something that I can change. I am trying to look at the things that I can do to make my life better for me and trying to dig myself out of thinking ruts that I have been in for a LONG time! Thank you for your encouragement!

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