I’ve started speaking up a little.
I told him that I didn’t like it that he insulted me to the waiter. He asked me what I meant and I explained it to him and he apologized.
When he told me that he got a Mother’s Day gift for me, but forgot where he put it, I said, That just makes me feel special. I said it just a little sarcastically, although, in general, I don’t think sarcasm is the right way to handle things. Somehow it fit here, though. He didn’t have anything to say in response. And I still haven’t seen the gift. It’s probably not anything that is truly a gift anyway.
I told him that I didn’t want him to text me any more pictures unless he also texted me what they were about. I told him not to send me “riddles.” (By sending me only pictures and not explanations, this gives him knowledge that he has that I don’t – a passive aggressive technique, but I didn’t tell him that.) He said okay.
Last night, he said, your wish is my command. I told him not to say that to me. (It’s a lie and I don’t want to hear it. But I didn’t say that part.) He said okay.
And last night, he said, Guess what! The most wonderful thing!!! You’ll never guess so I’ll tell you – the okra is coming up! Aren’t you so happy about that? Isn’t that great?
I told him that he knew that I didn’t like okra and that it was mean for him to put it on me that I would be excited about the okra coming up. I told him that if he wanted to tell me that he was excited about the okra coming up, that was fine, but not to say that I would be excited about the okra coming up. He said okay and that he was excited about the okra coming up. (A whole lot of excited about the okra in that paragraph.)
Anyhow, so far, so good.
I have to add, though, that I doubt that I will continue to have this kind of result. At some point, I will say something and he will not accept it. Or maybe he will seem to accept it, but then be passive aggressive about it. Also, I don’t know if he will actually remember to not do, not say these things that I’ve told him about.
There were a couple of things that he said that made me mad that I didn’t know how to address (regarding money), but maybe I’ll get it figured out what to say at some point. But at least I’ve started speaking up a little.
And I realized that my speaking up is not about changing him, but about changing me.