This morning, he told me that he is working on changing.
And, yes, I have seen him trying to be a little more considerate.
But at the same time, he is just as passive aggressive when he gets mad at me.
I wish, what I really wish, is that he would just move out while he is working on changing.
It is so stressful not knowing what comes next. Is he going to be nice? Is he going to be rude? Can I count on him? (Come to think of it ~ this is what I’ve wondered for close to twenty-five years now.)
I guess it’s too soon to tell. Maybe he really is making an effort to change. Maybe he is seeing that I really don’t want to be with him the way things are.
I guess it was Friday night that I said, I am so tired of living with you. I was mad and it just came out. But maybe that’s okay because it was the truth. And while I was upset, I didn’t yell or scream when I said it.
One of the accusations he threw at me Saturday night was, you don’t have sex with me. I said, I don’t have a relationship with you; why should I have sex with you?
Saturday night I also told him that he was just like his dad. His dad says he does things for his mom, but in reality, he is doing whatever he wants. My husband sees this. I told him that was exactly like his dad, that he does whatever he wants, regardless of how it affects anyone else.
So maybe these things are sinking in to him. But right now, I am almost too tired to care. I wish I could just be by myself and have peace and rest. I wish I could somehow turn my brain off and stop thinking, stop wondering, stop caring one way or the other. I wish I had the money and a place to move to right now so I could just rest.