possiblity of a raise?

This morning I asked at work, if I were to get a raise, when might it be and how much might it be.

The possibility of a raise comes with my annual review, which will be at the end of August.  And in general, and depending on the review, the budget for raises is …..  2%.

Okay.  I make eleven bucks an hour.  By the time you take out insurance, HSA (health savings account), 401(k) contribution, and taxes, I’m coming home with about five dollars an hour. 

And let’s see, 2% of  $11.00 is a whopping 22 cents.  That’s basically an extra $440, a year.  So, instead of $22,000 annually, I’ll be at $22,440.  Gross.  Not net.  Net would be about half that.

Great.  Just great.

Am I crazy?

I keep looking at apartment and house listings.  Generally they start around $600.  You do the math.

Somehow I’m not seeing this happen.

Why can’t I figure out somehow to just be content where I am and forget about leaving?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This morning, before she left for school and I left for work, my daughter and I actually talked for a couple of minutes while we each ate breakfast.  She said, if it was just us, we could eat breakfast together every day before we left for school and work.  As it is, she eats her meals in her room to avoid him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And on top of it all, I think I am having “hormonal fluctuation issues” that come with peri-menopause.  Just what I needed.  I let him drive me crazy for all these years and, now, when I trying not to be crazy, my own body is turning on me and making me crazy.

I think I just can’t win.

Anyhow, at least I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to go talk to Julie, the therapist.  Maybe she can help me calm down and breath.

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11 Responses to possiblity of a raise?

  1. Sofia Leo says:

    If you don’t have a lot of debt, what you make will cover you and your daughter. There are more alternatives out there than you might think. If you want to bounce some ideas around, drop me a note and I’ll talk money specifics related to how I got free. Don’t let money keep you in a relationship that is sucking your life away. It’s just not worth it, and even your daughter knows it…

    • Would you be comfortable discussing at least some of it here, so others can have ideas, too, when they are ready to get out? The only debt that I have is the car loan for the car that my daughter uses. I still owe $2000 and just over $100 a month is automatically deducted to pay on the loan. That is the only debt that I have. And I use a debit card rather than a credit card.

      • Sofia Leo says:

        Sure! I can natter on for days, though :-)

        In my particular case, the Narc made sure that I never had any extra cash laying around, so I had to get creative with gathering funds. I was lucky in that a former employer decided to close out the company retirement account, meaning that I had to move my money into an independent account, and while that was in process, I gained access to the money and withdrew enough to do *something* with. At that point I had a pretty good idea about what I was going to be able to afford on a part-time minimum wage salary.

        I had no debt, but I do have a 50 pound dog. A bit of research into the local apartment policies revealed that I would have to give up my dog to get an apartment – rent around here starts at $675 a month + utilities ($200 or more on a poorly-insulated apartment) for something just slightly better than a cardboard box. I did not relish the thought of sharing a wall with the local tweakers, so I had to get creative.

        What I eventually did was buy a travel trailer. The market is depressed for used TTs, and it was January, so I got a hell of a deal. Space rent is $350 per month, which includes cable TV, water, sewer, wireless internet and up to $50 in electricity usage. The trailer payment is just under $200 per month. In total, I have regular monthly bills of $665 per month, including car insurance and cell phone – affordable if nothing terrible happens.

        My trailer is parked (until Friday when I move it 70 miles East) in a lovely spot a short walk from the local Bay Front in a semi-wooded area that is quiet. The park managers make sure the tweakers stay out and everything is peaceful. My neighbors come and go, but so far have been a wonderful bunch of people – educated and interesting and most of them full-timers like me. This ain’t Trailer Trash living! RV people are a wonderful bunch, very helpful and eager to make friends.

        The trailer itself is 30 feet long and 12 feet wide at the slide-outs – about the size of a studio apartment. I took out the king size bed so that the entire back room is now my sewing/creating studio. I sleep on the fold-out couch. I removed the dining table and chairs to make room for my computer desk and it’s as cozy as can be. I have full bathroom facilities, a three-burner propane stove, fridge, double sink, lots of storage space, propane furnace and plenty of room so long as I stay organized :-)

        It’s cheap and efficient to heat in the coldest weather, water tight (the Narc’s house is cold, damp and drafty) and cozy. I really can’t say enough good things about this lifestyle.

        I have an awning along one side so I can go outside in heavy rain and stay dry, vents to open when it gets hot (AC, too!) built-in surround-sound stereo, everything an apartment has without sharing a wall with anyone.

        The best part about it is that if I don’t like where I’m living, I hire a Dude with a Truck to drag me somewhere else :-) I worried at first that I would need a truck of my own, but there are Dudes with Trucks around every corner that will take me anywhere I want to go for a fee. Pay him, and he LEAVES! Can’t get better than that, I say! It’s camping every day and I love it!

      • Are you content in the trailer indefinately? Would you be able to sell it fairly easily if you wanted to, or is that something you don’t worry about? Can you take long hot showers? :} Is that a Dude with a Truck just anybody with a truck or somebody specific and how did you find him? Do you park in a campground? Are all of your belongings with you in the trailer or do you have stuff stored? (I have WAY too much stuff!!!) I’vre read about some of your trailer adventure on your blog, but I haven’t read all of it. Thank you for sharing this with me!

      • Sofia Leo says:

        I am totally content in my trailer. I’ve always dreamed of living in a tiny cabin in the woods somewhere, and now here I am! No log walls and fireplace, but it’s close enough to my vision that I am happy. The fact that I can move any time I want to is a HUGE added bonus!

        I will be able to sell quickly if I want to – the market for used TTs in good shape is booming here and they hold their value well. Mine has some nice features and I keep it in good condition so I don’t fear being able to sell it in a hurry if I had to.

        Showers are not long, but they are HOT! My 6 gallon hot water heater gives me 9 minutes in the shower, which seemed like way too little when I first moved in, but now it’s more than enough time. It helps that I have short hair :-) Water pressure from the shower head is not all that I could wish, but there are some really great high-tech water saving shower heads that will give the illusion of more pressure with even less water usage that I’m looking into buying. The park where I’m staying until later today has shower facilities that residents can use – long, hot showers are just a short walk away! I kinda miss soaking in a bathtub with bubbles, but it’s been over four years since I could enjoy that luxury (M always complained about water and energy usage and kept the water heater turned down so low it wasn’t satisfying anyway) so I’m mostly over it.

        You can find a Dude with a Truck on Craigslist – they’re ten a penny here and most come with reliable references. The park keeps a list of people who will drag for a fee. The Boss from the ice cream shop volunteered to take me for this trip – he has owned many TTs and towed boats, etc. and it’s nice to have someone I know to haul me this first time, but I could just as easily have hired the retired guy down the road who drags trailers purely for entertainment because he says he’s bored :-)

        Almost everything is in the trailer with me as of the storage shed debacle of yesterday. When I first moved I rented a 5 x 15 storage unit at a place a few miles away. I had planned to spend the Summer de-stashing and organizing my stuff, but the best laid plans, etc. Awana is keeping a few bins for me and the rest is inside Towanda, packed and ready to travel. It’s a bit of a PITA when I want to get out, say, a quilting project to work on, because you can’t really leave stuff laying about or soon you won’t be able to walk around. It helps that I took out the ginormous bed – those suckers take up A LOT of valuable space, IMHO, and since it’s just me and the dog, the fold-out couch (with new super high-tech mattress) works just fine.

        There is more space than you would think – after packing everything up (read: putting shit away where it should have been in the first place) there is still a surprising amount of room in the storage cabinets. I’ll try to get pictures before and after pulling in the slides to give a better picture of what room there is. I worried that it would seem closed-in during the dark Winter months because the ceilings are only 7 feet, but it’s surprisingly cozy – more like a cave than a prison cell :-)

        The thing about Stuff is that you quickly decide what you Must Have and what just won’t fit, so you’ll purge some excess baggage. Then you’ll live with what you kept for awhile and soon realize that you’re about double what you really need and another purge will follow. Then you will start replacing regular-sized stuff with smaller stuff (think crock pot, hair dryer, etc.) because the cabinets are just thismuch too small for regular stuff unless it’s crammed in too tight to get it back out. And, if you’re like me, there will be two more purges before you’re satisfied that you have everything you hold dear within easy reach and nothing extra to get in the way. It’s liberating!

        At the moment I’m in a park and will be in another park later today, but I can easily move to a camp ground, or up in the woods, or the desert, or anywhere, really. TTs are made to be self-contained. Sure, you have to eventually go get water and propane and empty the holding tanks, but it’s a small price to pay for the freedom you enjoy.

        Both parks are off the road, not like the KOA campgrounds you see where the trailers are parked in rows under a blazing sun. Both have grass and trees and plenty of space between trailers – you don’t feel like you’re in your neighbor’s pocket all the time. My space in the new park is rather isolated – I’ll have a lot of grass, a large maple tree for shade and no trailer neighbors, only a small manufactured house on one side about 20 feet away – that’s much more space than many houses with tiny yards around here.

        If I had wanted to spend $1000 a month during the Summer, I could have parked at the local golf course and had Club House privileges and all the golf I could play, but that seemed excessive :-) You can spend as much as you like, or park at a friend’s house for nothing if you need to – many of the newer houses around here are built with RV hook-ups right next to the driveway, maybe they are where you live, too…

      • That sounds so cool! Maybe I start looking at travel trailers….!

  2. mixedemotions says:

    just read the post you put before this one “Never Give Up”…. it’s doable, no matter what. By the way, I believe there are groups that offer low income housing, not sure in your area but it’s worth finding info about them.

    • Thanks. I am feeling really discouraged right now, filled with so much doubt. I do need to do more to find out what’s available. I think I am afraid on so many levels.

      • mixedemotions says:

        you’re not alone, i’m there with you as discouraged as you are. trying to hang on to what i think my relationship with my PA could be. going up going down. it’s often too much to bare. i obviously still love him very much or i would be in so much pain emotionally and i hate the fact that I still do. I know I have to choose between making this relationship better or leaving. There are no other options left, it just really a very difficult decision to make.

  3. *OneDayAtaTime* says:

    (((Hugs))) Oh my I know exactly about the health stuff. My health has caught up to me. Osteoporosis, I am in the midst of surges and my life. No osteoporosis is in my family at all, all of them are living now and no extreme health issues. How can this happen to me? It was explained to me from a doctor and basically it’s this: http://www.ecoutetoncorps.com/ressources_en_ligne/definition_20_maladies_e.php and I had no idea stress could really kill your body until this doctor gave a pamphlet about stress.

    I’m young, very young and have a lot of things I would like to do and can’t without extreme pain now, things I wanted to do and put off because I placed what my husband wanted before me. Now it’s my turn and he doesn’t have the drive to help me, or the want or the passion, for my dreams. I have put off my dreams, my hopes and my thoughts, I have placed them on the back burner for my husbands stuff. (It just happened to be his dream first to be reckoned with and I wanted to be a giver so I gave so freely) Now it is his time to respect, admire, and want to see my personal wants through, just as I have sacrificed for him in my 20’s and 30’s and now it is time for my needs to be fulfilled. I realize now he is not trying to help me, he isn’t even caring about them. YES, that does embarrasses me, makes me sad and crazy. Enough said about that, I have been making my bucket list, realistically it’s a things to do now, while I can, with what I can, my legs, they hurt bad, I am not giving up. I do what I can with what I have. I am only 44, and lost mobility of my legs a bunch and I work hard everyday to enjoy the simple things that legs give you.

    I encourage you to do you as often as you can with grace, dignity, and honor yourself as I will too. I don’t care if the man will not help me wash my feet and if and only when he does I feel as if I am begging him to do it.

    Persevere my friend, keep inspiring yourself because you inspire us. Keep finding out and keep asking, seeking and knocking. As you write, you will inspire. As others write, they will inspire.

    • Stress is a killer, isn’t it??? We do have to keep on, doing our best, taking care of ourselves. I’m glad you find me inspiring! I really appreciate the conversations that go on here! They both encourage me and they make me want to be able to do more to encourage and inspire others who are in toxic relationships. Thank you for your comment, and please don’t ever worry about your comments being long! I’ve had people who read my blog tell me that they appreciate not only my writing, but also the comments that others write. Take good care of yourself!!!

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