listening ~ or not

Last evening, I went out into the field to cut some of the wild daisy-like flowers that are blooming out there.

A young lady here at work, Kristen, is getting married tomorrow, and some of us are contributing flowers and greenery from our gardens for her bouquets.

So as I was getting ready to go out to the field last evening, I was telling my husband about the flowers for the bouquet. I told him that I was going to pick the ones out of my garden in the morning, that I would get up early and pick them, but I wanted to get the ones from the field that evening. I was about to tell him that it makes me sad to cut the flowers, that I would rather leave them on the plants, but that it would be nice for Kristen’s wedding.

But, before I could say that, he said, Oh, look. The cats want their dinner.

Really?

So I told him that I feel like he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t care what I am saying, he is just waiting for me to shut up so he can say what he wants to say.

He said that wasn’t true. He said he does listen and he does care and isn’t just waiting for me to shut up so he can say what he wants to say.

This morning, I got up earlier than usual so I would have time to pick the flowers to take to work for Kristen.

As I was putting on my shoes to go outside and pick the flowers, he said, Where are you going so early this morning?

I told him, I’m going to pick the flowers for Kristen.

Oh, yes. What I say is, indeed, really important to him.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to listening ~ or not

  1. It may not help; but I’m listening. Hugs

  2. Yikes, you just summed up 20+ years of my marriage. I finally stopped wasting my breath talking because he was never listening. It’s so frustrating knowing you’re not being heard.

    • I try. I really do try. I keep trying, whether trying to share part of my day or trying to speak up and say what I need to say, but it doesn’t matter. I’m just banging my head against a wall.

      • K says:

        I eventually just shut off. I tried for 20 years to ‘fix’ our marriage; I thought it was me. I thought I was bitchy and withholding of intimacy, but when I realized he was PA and narcissistic, the aha moment hit. I stopped working at it and told him to get help. He didn’t believe me till my son stepped up and told him it wasn’t his mom who needed help. He’s been in counseling for about 8 months. I do see sme changes, but have explained that although I know he has a problem, I’m tired of doing any work. The therapist said if he messes up now that he knows what he’s doing, he deserves to be kicked to the curb. So, in self preservation, he knows we are roommate status only. He accepts it. Biding my time. Protect your heart. Your husband doesn’t ‘get it’ yet.

  3. seaswift says:

    Sometimes I just stop talking mid-sentence – it goes unnoticed.

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